Mark and I began feeling the spiritual ground around us shake in the form of God stirring each of our hearts, for the first time in our marriage we began to be on the same page with pretty much every decision we were making. The stirring and shaking can be a painful process of letting go of all that seems and feels safe. As God is shaking and shifting us it often feels like my world is being completely turned upside down and usually I get that feeling, because literally my world is being turned upside down. I know he is going to ask me to give up relationships, possessions, or both and I am not usually ready to give them up. When I begin to feel the shaking and stirring I begin to pray that my family would become emotionally ready, I pray we will be physically ready in either in physical moving, emotionally moving, or both.
When the spiritual ground began to shift we, Mark and I, began praying for everything in our paths and in our lives. One area we specifically was praying about what we should do in regards to birth control. We had chosen to have birth control inserted into my arm after the twins were born, if I was going to be on it I needed to have it controlled for me, because I knew the last thing on my mind would be when to take “the pill” everyday at the same hour. So in my arm it went. I never felt ok or at peace about it, but I wasn’t ready for another baby, so at the time I was thankful for one last thing I would have to worry or think about. I always sensed it was something that needed to be removed as soon as possible and for the last year, Mark and I, had been praying about what to do. The solution we choose was to have it taken out of my arm and to let God choose our family plan for us. It sounds crazy, we know, we are still adjusting to it ourselves, but we firmly believe it is exactly what we are suppose to do. For the first time in years I feel like I have been taken out of a fog, I use to have headaches nearly every day and the headaches have gone away. We acted out in obedience first and we allowed our hearts and bodies to catch up to the physical obedience that took place. It has been so fun to watch God work in our hearts and watching both Mark and I come to a place of peace within being obedient.
Another desire we have had laid back on our hearts is moving back into ministry, specifically a farm used to produce naturally grass fed beef and lamb, raising free range chickens, collecting awesome protein packed eggs, and having bees to pollinate our fruit trees, berry bushes, and our gardens. We have a desire to use the gifts, talents, desires, and dreams God has given us. We desire to do it as a family, working as a family and playing as a family. We continue to pray and seek the Lord for the when and the how, we know God is faithful and He will reveal to us what we need to know when we need to know.
We have also been asked by the Lord to let the house we are currently renting go, this has been extremely hard, because I like knowing the plan ahead of time. I like comfort and knowing I’ll have a roof over my head, but I know that God often asks us to let go before he will reveal the bigger and better plan he has ready for us. Even though I know this is true in how God operates, it can be scary as all get out, because my flesh likes foreknowledge, but God usually requires us to jump and leap before the safety net comes out. God is faithful and he will always make our path straight, He is our firm rock, He is our strong tower and refuge. All along the way I am praying that God will either give me physical peace or he will give me internal peace. I can walk through anything and everything with the peace of my Heavenly Father within me.
We are on a need to know basis with our Heavenly Father, He is even now working on preparing the land he has for us, he is preparing us as workers, he is preparing us as ministers. Because not only do I want a farm to garden and raise animals, but I also greatly desire that where ever we land, God would use us as a place of refuge and rest for those who are weary and heavy laden, those that need to receive love and healing. Those that have stumbled in life and need a place of rest and healing, so they have the physical and emotional safety they crave so God can work in their hearts and lives and sweep through with peace and wholeness. Giving them the pieces they need to find wholeness and they themselves then can go back out and become another place of refuge and rest for others. There is a whole world filled with lost and lonely people and they need a place of healing, Lord let that place begin with me and my family! Yes, Lord, may it be!
In my life I have had the experience of being a broken vessel, hurt and walking around for a safe place to land. I did know I did not want to rebuild my vessel as a war ship, which if I remained bitter and angry would happen. I desired to be a vessel of peace and healing. God in his mercy and love for me surrounded me with Godly people who showed me what compassion and love looked like. They showed me what listening along with a warm cup of tea could do, they showed me how bareback rides on horses can bring healing conversation, they showed me what it looks like to stop someone, to give them time to heal, and the newness in a person it can bring out. I was loved through my crap and junk, someone saw the whole person I could be, they saw who God was wanting to mold me into, and they prayed and loved me to that place of healing. I was given time, I was given horses and nature, I was given people who loved me more than the hurt inside me. I cry thinking of the care my Abba gave me in the form of these blessed friends, but there is also one more component. Praise the Lord, I was willing, praise the Lord, I was ready for whatever healing God wanted to do. Healing and peace has to begin with Jesus and it has to begin with a willing heart to let Jesus in the junk, in the pain, in the rejection, in the abandonment, in all the hurting places, even the ones you have locked away and forgotten exist. It’s asking Jesus to help you be ready when you don’t want to be ready. God knows and God cares, and hallelujah, freedom awaits! We cannot be safe harbors of peace until we have experienced the peace ourselves. If we have not found peace through Jesus, then we cannot be a safe place, because even to ourselves we are a rocky harbor. If you know Jesus and you do not allow the safe harbor of his love and direction in your life, then you are denying yourself the one peaceful place that will ever exist on earth or in heaven. God gave me the safe harbors I needed to repair my vessel. I pray that God would provide you with the safe harbor you are needing and seeking. I pray that He will place in your life the healing you are needing! Shalom!