There are times when God has called me to begin walking a journey, he tells me bits and pieces, sometimes just enough to get started or to prep my heart for what is to come. But, He doesn’t always hand me all the pieces at one time to finish the puzzle. Sometimes he hands me just enough pieces to make the journey more confusing, although I am confident the pieces He hands me are the perfect fit for the time He hands them to me. I am confident that God knows which pieces are best to digest first. When he hands me pieces to my journey one at a time it can more often than not be very overwhelming, this is when trust is pertinent in my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I have been on many journeys with my Abba during my 34 years of life. Every journey whether big or small has always ended successfully, not always gracefully or without hiccups and I must mention if there are hiccups and a belly flop landing it is because I did not wait on the Lord’s timing. I jumped when he said to wait or I waited when he said jump. Abba has ALWAYS caught me, He has always provided, always put food in my tummy, gas in my car, and has had love and support show up when I’ve needed it. I have seen him perform miracles in my life, now when he asks me to walk and I can’t see the ending, I must remember the miracles He has already made happen in my life. I must remember that my Abba always has my best in mind, He has been faitful before and He will be faithful again!
There are times during the journey when the peace I had about moving forward vanishes and it feels as if I am left standing in the dark. This is usually the time when Satan comes prowling around, but even in his prowling while it’s hard to remember for some reason at the time that I am not lost from the Father’s sight. I must remember I am in my Abba’s hands, but sometimes I forget when I can’t feel Abba’s hands on me, when I can’t hear his voice I become afraid. Although in my spirit I know the truth, my flesh starts having a panic attack and it becomes easier for my flesh to listen to the voice of the deceiver and the deceiver try’s his hardest to convince me that Abba has left me. Satan, the deciever, tells me Abba doesn’t love me, there is no hope, there is no future, and he tells me Abba doesn’t care about my dreams and that I will be stranded, left in the cold, for the rest of my life! There are even times when the words I want to die form in my head so potently that they form words and come out of my mouth. Just the other day I couldn’t feel or see Abba, I felt lost, and within feeling lost, I felt like I wanted to die. I even shouted the words at Mark, to Mark’s horror. Not knowing what to do, Mark began praying for me, over me, and he cried out to the Lord on my behalf. I had no power to fight the ugly war that was waging for my mind and my heart. Mark picked up his husband sword and fought back with the blood of Jesus! Can I get a hallelujah! It took a day and a half for peace to wash over me completely, it took time for my body and mind to catch up with the work the Lord was doing in my life. I can say with confidence I am back on track, I am back in the saving clutches of my Abba (which although it felt like it, I was never out of Abba’s hands), I can tell you that while I still don’t have all the pieces, I can again feel the hand of my Abba firmly upon me! I cried out to the Lord and he heard my cry, He sent his team of warrior angels to fight for me! The battle was waging and of course my Abba won, because he always wins, because he cares for the state of mind, he cares for the state of his children! When I can’t feel or see my Abba, the best weapon I have is to cry out to him with tears streaming on my face, to cry out for my Abba to come rescue me, and every time He comes riding with a vengeance to get to me and he saves me, holds me, and quiets my soul. He says, “child, I’m here”.
I praise the Lord and thank him continually for the ability to feel and know his hand is upon me, because then I know I am moving in the right direction. When I can feel his hand I have peace knowing that at the right time he will tell me when to stand up and walk, he will tell me when to wait, when to jump, and I have complete trust in His goodness. I am so thankful for a God who will always come and get me, pick me up, and love on me.
I pray that when you like me get to places in your journey when you can’t feel Abba’s hand that you will cry out to him to rescue you! He waits to rescue you, he wants to rescue you, and only in his hands will we find peace, joy, and safety! I leave you with this blessing, May the Lord bless you and keep you, may his face shine upon you and be gracious to you, may he look upon you with favor and give you his peace! Shalom!