I have moved through six states, friendships, and situations looking for something and running from something at the same time. It’s no wonder I have been so confused on my journey quest. For years I was looking for love and acceptance, but I was never able to find it. I looked for it in relationships, I looked for it in job titles, and I was unable to find it. I am reminded of a scene from the movie, Anne of Avalone, Anne the main character craved adventure and she was sure it was in the adventure she would find what she was looking for. Finally, at the end of the movie she goes for a walk with her childhood friend Gilbert and as they cross the same old footbridge they had crossed many times, Anne reveals to Gilbert that what she had wanted and had been looking for was inside of her the whole time, she held the key she was looking for. I too, have found this key.
We want to be loved, so we look to relationships and we leave disappointed. We look for peace and we feel discontented and we eat a bag of chocolate. We want acceptance and so we seek a love romance, going from relationship to relationship. Yet, the only filler, the answer we are looking for is Jesus Christ. He is the only chocolate fix, he is the only relationship that will leave us whole, he is the only sense of clarity and calmness. It is only through Jesus Christ we can find our joy, peace, and love.
There is something else we have to remember, we are in charge of our perspective and our choices. When I wake up in the morning the last thing I want to do is get out of bed, because right away in the morning lies and insecurity attack my thinking. This is when I must bring to mind the truth of scripture. I must remember that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I must remember that I am more than a conqueror. I have moments where depression creeps in on me and I can literally feel it slowly trying to claim my mind and my emotions. I can feel sadness and doubt begin to sweep through my mind and it impairs me from effectively ministering and meeting my families needs.
The Lord has begun to show me through various things my friends have said that I need to start walking in the truth! I need to claim and live the way God has shown me, is mine to claim through Jesus’s blood. Ephesians chapter one tells me that I am holy and blameless, it tells me that I am an heir to the heavenly blessing. It tells me that I am free from guilt, free from shame, I am free from the condemnation of this world, I am free from the condemnation that I place upon myself. Often times the condemnation I place upon myself is worse than anything anyone can put on me. I am my own worst enemy, but what I have begun to see and embrace, is that I have got to start claiming the truth! I need to start living in the truth of who I am, because of the Who I belong to! I do not have live the place of the depths of despair! There is hope, there is freedom, and it is mine to hold onto!
I, Robin Jean Russell, will begin to believe and live out in confidence that “He who began a good work in me will be carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. I will believe that I am a work in progress, not a completed work, which means I need to give myself a break. I need to give myself permission to blow it and to fail. It will happen, but I need to trust God and remember even my failures, especially my failures are teachable moments! In those moments I must look for the teachable moments and if I am too busy beating myself up and hiding in guilt I am less likely to be able to look for the teachable moment. I must learn the lesson, dust myself off, get up, and keep running! I will believe and live out that I am a master piece in the making.
I, Robin Jean Russell, will begin to believe and live out that God chose me before the world began. He chose me, he hand crafted me in my mother’s womb, he is intimate with all my ways, he knows the exact number of hairs on my head, and he loves me and keeps me in his sight at all times. He cares about my big dreams but he cares just as much about my small dreams. I am going to embrace and start living like the hand crafted, amazing master piece that I am. A skilled master craftsman created me and I will live with the amazing knowledge he continues to care for me! Because the great I AM cares for me, I too will care for myself.
I, Robin Jean Russell, will live as a Holy and Blameless child of the one true God. I will view myself as God the creator see’s me. He doesn’t see me, he sees his only begotten son, Jesus Christ. Because he sees Jesus, I can approach his throne with confidence, but I will never take it lightly, I will always be in reverent awe of the love that was lavished on me, so that I could become a child of God. I need to see blowing it and failing as part of the big picture of God teaching me and getting me ready for a bigger story.
I, Robin Jean Russell, will live as a redeemed Child of God. I will accept the inheritance given to me, I will trust that I am sealed in Him and that there is not anything that can take the love of the Father away from me. I will trust that God waits for me to run to him and that he loves me with an everlasting love.
God has over and over again proven to me that he will take care of me and he has over and over again proven that he will remain faithful. He has proven to me that he takes ugly, horrible, and painful circumstances and turns them into gems and rubies. He has proven that he can take gut wrenching, soul piercing, confusing circumstances and turn them into the most amazing circumstance. We can either choose to believe the truth God gives us or we can live contrary to God and call him a liar. For me, I have allowed myself to live a life of lies long enough and I have had enough! For me, I am going to embrace the truth God gives to me, and I will call on the name of the Lord.
A everyday example of this is Minnesota winters. This winter we have had over 25 weeks of below zero weather. Our roads have turned into skating rinks and our nose hairs freeze by simply sticking our heads out the front door. The frost has reached 6 ft deep and the ice on the lakes is around 3 ft-4 ft. This winter has been one of the longest winters I can remember since being a little girl. I am so, so ready for spring, but I refuse to whine and complain about it. I am attempting instead to trust God’s bigger plan, I am attempting to trust God’s purpose in this super long winter. But, this doesn’t mean I don’t bring my pleas and frustrations to God. It does mean I bring them before his throne and then leave trusting his divine plan. I must mention that there are times when a matter simply cannot be brought before God’s throne once. There are times, like this winter, that I continually go to the Father and ask why spring hasn’t come yet. This might seem silly, pleading with God about spring to come, but for me it matters, and I have confidence that God cares that my family and I have cabin fever. Even though we have cabin fever, we will continue to trust and believe that God has a bigger picture going on and I will trust his bigger picture.
When I choose to look in the right places I am going to find peace, joy, and love. I have found them and I will by faith begin to walk in the truth! I will choose to embrace the freedom I have found in Christ Jesus, I will choose to believe and live it out in my life. It will not be easy, my humanness, my flesh, and Satan want’s me to believe the opposite. But, I will fight daily, I will hide under the wing of my Abba and be renewed everyday and every moment. The freedom is worth it! Bring on the freedom!