So many things have fallen into place within the last couple of months yet, I have not been able to figure out why I was still angry and frustrated. I prayed and prayed. I talked with trusted friends to check my blind spots. After a few conversations with great friends, I realized the reality is, Mark still has Lyme Disease. I have expected him to be a healthy human being. A human who is able to run alongside me tackling projects left and right. Except, he’s not a healthy human being.
Within our new financial freedom, I wanted our life to be like a normal, healthy couple. We are not. Mark’s forearm muscles do not allow him to shovel snow, mow the lawn, vacuum the carpets, or anything else that would vibrate on his arm muscles. If he does any of these things he will not be able to hold a pencil, turn on the faucet, or type on his keyboard to work.
After we bought our house Mark and I sat down and made a list of all of the projects we wanted to get done. We realized even the easy DIY projects would require Mark’s arm strength. We are working through our list to decide which ones he can walk me through and which ones we need to hire out.
When I stopped to realize I was asking Mark to function as a healthy person it was humbling and freeing at the same time. I was able to let both of us off the hook. I could allow him the freedom to be sick and to accomplish the tasks he is able. This realization has also allowed me the freedom to not be so hard on myself. I can now make realistic goals based on our situation.
I am so thankful for God and good friends to help me wade through life. To help me pull the planks out of my eyes and to get perspective on my blindspots. It’s humbling to have them revealed to me because those around me have been able to see them well before I could see them in my peripheral vision. Yet, acknowledging the blind spots and being honest with myself about my behavior and my life is going to help give me peace, clarity, and make realistic goals I can accomplish.
We are learning new ways to spend time as a family and to tackle projects as a family. Mark has Lyme Diease, but we will get through it one baby step at a time.