I use to wonder if the woman in Proverbs 31 was realistic. Seriously, you want me to shower, be prepared, smile and be a blessing all at one time? Who has time or energy? I was lucky to get dressed and make it to the grocery store much less have a job and purchase a vineyard for whatever it was I was selling. Seriously, it’s possible? As every mom will experience at some point in her journey there is an element where you wake up one day and look around to try to find any resemblance of the person you want to be. Then you realize some how in taking care of your husband, kids and home, you went missing. I know I went through this and it took going through the grieving process to figure out who I am now. I don’t want to be who I was at twenty-five, I want to be more wise, caring, compassionate and even more adventurous. I want to show my twenty-five year old self some lessons and love myself at the same time for the lost and hurting person I was. I have some insights to share that I have learned along the way.
How does the Proverbs 31 woman do it?
1. Take responsibility for the hurts and insecurities in my life:
I was molested when I was eight years old. I saw my mom go through depression and the desire to take her life. I saw her struggle with nightmares and flashbacks. Watching her go through this was traumatic. I have other wounds I have from other various hurtful and destructive things I experienced in my life. I have had to learn to own up to the fact that it hurts like hell. It was not until I was able to utter the pain from my lips and let tears fall from my eyes that my heart, mind and soul could heal. Taking responsibility does not mean you let the other guy off the hook, it does not mean you have to forgive them (although I recommend it for a deeper level of healing), but it does mean you look yourself in the eyes and speak honestly with yourself. For me it meant not flipping the world or my abusers the finger. It was an action that felt satisfying, but what it really did in my if was build destructive walls. These walls became barriers to prevent me from feeling the hurt and pain. Instead of moving forward like I thought I was going to do, it kept me mentally and emotionally stuck, which also kept me physically stuck. I need to take responsibility and seek healing in my life in order to gain confidence and punch my insecurities in the face. Running around “successful” does not make you successful. You can hide just as much pain from running and looking successful as those stuck in pits. The pits just look different and one is more socially acceptable than the other. Both are destructive.
2. Discover my gifts and talents:
When you punch your insecurities in the face you gain confidence to say this is who I am and this is what I love. You develop confidence to retry things you have before and you find new passions and skills you didn’t even know you possessed. This last year I rebranded three to four times. I was on a journey to discover my likes and dislikes, my passions, gifts and natural abilities. I kept hearing the Holy Spirit say, “write what you know”. I asked myself what do I know, what do I love and what can I give? I am a wife which means I have a marriage, I have kids which means I am a parent and a homeschool parent, I love my community and my state (even the cold and snow *gasp*). I also have talent and skills in kitchen and now apparently I am gaining skills and talent in low histamine cooking and baking. I am now looking to bring riding and training horses back into my life. I have had my babies and I am ready to get back into the riding arena, round pen or pasture. I have no idea what this looks like, but I am willing and excited to figure it out. It was when I developed the confidence to be honest about who I am, what I love and where I want to go I was able to go forward. Gazing at someone else’s yard may give me ideas for mine, but it doesn’t water, grow and nourish what I want in my life.
3. Watch and develop relationships with those who are already experts at what I want to do:
Be brave, show up with what you are already doing and demonstrate an ability to continue implementing what you learn into practice. Whether it is knitting, building, cooking, marketing or any other venture. People want to know what you are going to bring to the table. Time is precious and experts want to know when they mentor someone it is going to good use. Be willing to scratch someone’s back to develop a relationship. A genuine, honest relationship takes time and patience. Be humble, don’t show up with yourself puffed out, that is arrogance and does not show anyone anything. They want to see your humble skills, determination and your willingness to help out where you can. Be willing to see the best in someone. We have all been hurt and can have quietly or loudly have F*##@ you on your forehead. I use to wear it proudly. Nothing was going to hurt me and I was not afraid to punch you in the face and tell you what I think. I am blessed to have beloved family and friends I trust to help me scrap that off my forehead and replace it with a quiet, gentle caution. I still protect myself, my family and my time, but I am also gently open. Trusting my heavenly father with the relationships and opportunities he brings to me.
There are people who have walked the hard road of developing their personal and business life. They wanted to give me a leg up. They wanted to know I would do the bulk of the lifting, but they want to help me. Mentors who called me on my sucky, I’m giving up days. I hadn’t told them, but the Holy Spirit whispered it in their ear and they would call me to tell me the difference I was making in my life, my family’s life and the community I live in. They helped me to see what I could not see in my frustration.
4. Include my family in what I do:
Russell’s Adventures has merged from my blog to our blog. The kids are a lot more understanding and passionate about letting me sit down to work. They understand my work has a greater purpose than not playing with them. In fact they are encouraging, positive and help us come up with creative ways to engage with the world. They give me perspective into the world my adult eyes can no longer see. Similar to the boy in the Polar Express who could hear the sleigh bell ring, they can still hear sleigh bells and they teach me how to hear them as well.
Including my family in what we do also means giving them responsibilities. Together we play and work to accomplish our goals. Dividing chores up between the six of us (even Timmy is able to dust alongside an older sibling and he loves it). This prevents our house to not explode into a crazy, ugly mess. It keeps clean clothes in our drawers instead of piling up and creating a mountain. Living simply and working together to purge our house of things that are broken, what we do not love or things that bring clutter to our spaces and minds. Purging allows clean up, laundry and other chores to get back in shape when we have let things slide.
We work on our attitudes and character together. We discuss our family’s beliefs, goals and keep our core at the center of our thinking. We work together to be patient in our speech and in our actions. Taking responsibility and being able to identify when we are hungry, tired or hurt. Staying on top of these allows our harry monsters to be as minimum as possible. It is amazing how often we react out of being hungry or tired, both can be addressed and changed.
5. Let things go:
Working together as a family brings balance into our life. There was a period were I could not figure out why I couldn’t work and homeschool our kids at the same time. I had some how interrupted our life to mean I had to carry the weight of the world solely on my shoulders. I discovered for our family to find balance, Mark and I had to work together. Rather than Mark doing his thing and me doing mine. I am not solely responsible for the balance in our life. In order for both of us to work we have to be honest with the projects and jobs each of us can handle given our money, time and energy. I also need to stay consistent in managing our kids and their chores around the house. Maddie is responsible for laundry and the twins are responsible for the dishes, they also have individual chores they are to do daily and weekly. This system is not a well oiled machine by any means. They pitch fits and drag their feet like any other kids. There are also days, weeks and months when we are running from one thing to another. Laundry piles up all over the house, meal planning becomes frustrating and the house becomes a disaster. Learning to let go and trust our system allows all of us peace of mind. Because we have systems in place and we have worked on purging our house, it usually does not take more than a day to get our house whipped back into shape.
6. One great business venture leads to another:
I am constantly learning and writing about the world I live in. Blogging has lead me to promoting local businesses and organizations. I have begun to develop a better understanding of the needs in our community and coming up with ways to problem solve them. I am learning how to create delicious, nutritious low histamine recipes Mark’s stomach will nourish him and yet leave him mentally and emotionally satisfied as well. I have a desire to start taking pilates classes and become a pilates instructor. We have recently started to get to know Jena Thompson the owner and founder of Daisy Blue Naturals. Many of their products have aided in making Mark more comfortable leading me to desire to become a consultant for their company
The Proverbs 31 woman doesn’t happen overnight. It is a process requiring honesty, patience, humility, bravery and endurance. When you feel like you have lost your way it can be hard to develop the bravery it requires to step out and begin the journey. It’s worth it and you have everything you need to succeed.