I didn’t want to sacrifice

Becoming a serious blogger was not something I planned to happen. I journaled on a blog because it helped me sort out the world I live in. When I realized my friends and family were reading what I was writing I was terrified. I hadn’t meant for my wounds and hurts to be publicized. Now that I blog on purpose, for real, I laugh knowing I had put my thoughts on the WORLD WIDE WEB. Meaning it was never on the back burner. My wounds were open for all the world to see.

Before I became a serious blogger I cried just about everyday because I could not find myself. I had lost myself while running the tasks that make everyday happen. I wanted a bigger purpose than doing dishes, laundry and fighting with my kids everyday. I wanted a bigger purpose than raising the next generation. With everyday I was loosing more and more of myself.

The growth the blog has experienced lately is exciting. I love helping my community and other families connect with products that make our lives easier, happier and encourage us. It is my passion to help others to find the courage to rise higher than where they are. Especially if part of rising higher is developing a deeper relationship with God our father. The one relationship in all of the world that matters the most.

I work from home and homeschool our kiddos. I thought because I was home I was giving time to not only our kids, but to Mark. With the growth of the blog it requires me to write, email and connect with events and companies on a consistent basis. I engaged on social media more and we started the Southern Minnesota Social Media Breakfast. I didn’t want it to affect my relationship with my family, but it has.

I have seen and heard the hurt in our kids eyes and hearts. Our kids appreciate me working, they understand all of the fun opportunities it allows us to experience. They get excited when we get an email from a destination or a band, it’s fun.  While those things are fun, they also want me to put my phone and computer down, look them in the eye and play with them on their terms. The reality is at times I convince myself because I work from home they have my attention. I may be physically there, but my heart is not connected to theirs. Our four kid’s hearts, minds and souls need me to present. Not just a shell meeting their physical and academic needs. Mostly, their hearts need me. When I am present they get bravery from me and they get security from my presence. When they are disconnected from me it feels like when I feel separated from God.

I need to utilize my gifts and talents. I need to pursue my dreams, talents and use my skills. It is important mentally for me to make sure I am not put on the back burner, but keeping myself simmering, learning and growing. This does not mean loosing myself as a wife and mom, but allowing it to benefit our family based on our family’s core. While I am pursuing my dreams, my kids are wondering where they fit in and they are looking to me as a role model. Not only professionally, but they are learning how to relate the world and eventually the family they create. I want our kids apart of what I am doing, but they want to know they are still an important part to me. Is my speech honoring and glorifying to my heavenly father. Am I being respectful to Mark and my kids in how I am behaving? When what I am doing only becomes about me, I know I need to stop, seek out the Lord and work to find the balance of family and business. I need to reconcile relationships if need be.

I am thankful the Lord has shown me the sacrifices that have been made. Helping me to find a healthy balance of family and business. Mentoring and growing the next generation and raising up healthy emotional leaders is important to me, it is important to the Lord as well.

I’m finding myself, growing my gifts and talents excited to inspire our kids and develop deep relationships with them.