The last few weeks we have been house hunting in anticipation of purchasing our first home! We have been so excited, we’ve talked about future pets, we’ve talked about tree forts, and poke-a-dot walls. We’ve even begun packing for where ever it was/is we are going to go. We even found a house, put a bid on the house, and our offer was declined, this turned out to be more of a blessing than of frustration. During our offer I began to feel uncomfortable with a few things about the house and I was no longer sure it was were we where suppose to live. So, when the call finally came in that our offer had been declined it was a huge sigh of relief, but, again we were back to square one. We found another house we liked, but it was 20 minutes from town. Now, I realize that to some of you that is a puddle jump of a commute and would be considered amazing. However, with being pregnant with baby number four and my tendency for short labors, 20 minutes seemed like a ways. Especially since we live in Minnesota and January tends to be our snowiest month of the year. I wasn’t opposed to it, just cautious, then our Realtor called me and said I don’t know what is going on with you guys, but the house we just looked at, just sold. Really? Sold? Are you kidding me? Sigh!
We are back to square one and so it seems we have come full circle…again. We looked at houses last year and this same exact thing happened then too, really!? Are we not suppose to be home owners, are we not suppose to have our own place to rest our heads? Are we always going to have to be renters? Do I care if we always have to be renters? Well, yes and no at the same time. What I really want is freedom to hang pictures where I want to, I want the freedom to paint Naomi’s poke a dots on her walls, I want the freedom to hang our tv on the wall if we want to. I want the freedom to invest our money into our home and our yard, not someone else’s yard. But, then I always come back to the knowledge, that earth is not my home, it is not eternity, and I come t the perspective that what I really crave, what I really want is heaven! I want perfect peace, perfect joy, I want a place where I can forever rest, I want a place where I know I will always make the right choices. A place where I don’t have to figure out how to tell my kids about war and the cruelties that take place on earth. I want a place were fear cannot even be found. As a continued renter, I continually am reminded that even if I own my own home, I am technically still just a renter and what I do with what I am given matters. What I do with my words, my actions, and my time matter. Am I continually being who God wants me to be to Mark, my kiddo’s, my neighbors, my friends. What am I doing even when life doesn’t make sense?
While all the above is true, what I really long for is a place we can own. A base camp so to speak where we can use it to glorify God. A place we can be a shelter from life’s storm for those that need a place for a time. A place where people can come be loved on, listened to, and sent out to do the same for others. A warm place to gather for God’s glory. That is the most beautiful picture I can imagine! Being able to use what God gives us and using it to bless others. We still have no idea what God is doing with us or where we will go or what we will do, but apparently it involves more waiting. I have cried, I have gotten mad, and cried again seeking, pleading for answers. Yet, God remains quiet, he continues to close doors and windows, locking them even so we know not to even revisit them. We are thankful for God’s leading, we are thankful for his awesome protection, we are thankful that we are in the constant care of God’s faithfulness. He has been faithful before and he will be faithful again. We love him, we will follow him, or wait on him if that is where he leads and wants.
For now, we know that Mark is to continue working at Marketing Plus, we are to continue renting where we are for a few more months or longer if God doesn’t lead elsewhere. We also know we have attempted to look and purchase homes over the course of two years and God has always shut the doors. We don’t know why, but we trust him, we will always trust him. I pray you too will choose to trust Him even when life doesn’t make sense. I pray you will choose to trust God when doors are closed and locked, when you don’t know where the next turn is. I encourage you not to give up, not to loose hope, hang in there, he truly does care, and he loves you! I say this because I am in the midst of living these very words and in the midst of uncertainty God remains the only thing that remains constant, the only thing that gives peace, and abundant joy. In the mean time we are choosing to remain hopeful, peaceful, and joyful!