When the darkness pisses me off!

For years I shut out the pain of the world. It was too painful, too hurtful and honestly it is still painful and hurtful. It is still a place filled with evil and as a believer some days, most days, everyday I have to fight to make my way through the darkness. I have to fight my way through satan’s lies, human spoken doubts and my own doubts. I have to search for truth and honestly most days I want to throw the truth out the window. It would be easier to shut the icky, awful fighting world off.

The gift I didn't want


Shutting myself off would look like shoving myself back in the closet I have recently emerged from. I was safe, but the world wasn’t. It needed me to boldly come out of the closet. The world needed my voice. God created me as a voice of truth. He has through the years taught me to add gobs and loads of love to the truth. Grace, lots of grace.

He uses my words and willingness to tackle ugly harry monsters being created by lack of communication for one reason or another. Christ is using my mouth to speak words of life and encouragement into others lives. He is using my failures and ugly moments to help others become brave. To view themselves as beautiful messes.

Most days, everyday I want to scream in an holy fit for satan to take his demons and go back to hell where they belong. He is roaring around earth like a lion. He is shouting lies and it pisses me off that he can convince us to believe them. He convinces us we are not good enough and the truth is we are not good enough. But, Christ is good enough, Christ is perfect and I am now a Child of God. A child satan has no business talking to and I have no business letting him.

I see him biting and devouring my friends and family, I see him attempting to devour my marriage and my relationships. Thankfully I have begun to see the ridiculousness for what it is, satan confusing and grasping at straws because the day is coming soon when he will be dragged to hell forever and those that call on the name of the Lord will be gathered to the father.

My dear family and friends, do not give up, do not give in. Let us cling to the father who loves us! Let us sit at his feet and weep for the babies dying, weep for the lost, weep for the evil in the world and do as Paul did in prison. As the world shutters in groaning pain, sit at our heavenly father’s feet and sing praises to him. Sing as loud as you can! Set your eyes on Christ, not on the waves. Stay close to the family of believers. Why? Because when we walk alone it is easier for the darkness to consume us. The lies begin to take root and we believe them. Stay close to your trusted, beloved friends who encourage you, know you and call you to truth in love.

The world needs me, the world needs you and the world is not complete without us.


I am an accidental blogger. It’s true! I started blogging when our twins were born seven weeks early as a place to keep everyone updated. When they were strong enough to go home I began using it as a place to journal. I didn’t think anyone was reading it, I wrote purely to help myself process life around me. When I realized friends and family were reading my writings, I had to make a choice. I decided I had to continue writing as if no one would read my stuff. I love being in nature, it is where I feel the closest to Jesus and where I feel the most peaceful. It wasn’t until Maddie turned four that I realized I loved being a mom. It didn’t come easy and it wasn’t natural, but I am thankful God transformed my heart. Thank you for coming along on my journey. Any journey with God is one wild ride.

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