This week it has stormed everyday, literally, bringing hail and tornadoes, sleepless nights, and wet basements. It is as if mother nature is joining in on our crazy week and living out in nature what our nerves are doing inside our bodies. Monday evening we put a bid on a house, our first house, soon to be home owners or so we hope. We should find out sometime today what the owners have decided about our bid. My goodness it’s nerve wracking, adding to the stress is our needing to be out of our current residence by July 31st and hoping we don’t have to lug our stuff from one place to another countless times. Everything with this bid, this house, must go off without a hitch in order for us to be in the house on time. One delay, one clitch could and would hold us up. Uff da! I keep holding onto knowing that God is very rarely early, but never ever late, this is proving to be so true in this case. We are taking one day, one moment at a time, and watching as God becomes the great conductor of all that is happening. Watching as he calls the different instruments to position and then gives them their cue to play.
I am amazingly peaceful, I am amazingly joyful and thankful. I do have to admit that I did have my sobb feast in which I was able to release my frustration, my anger, and all the bent up nerves that I had been trying to hold together. It never works well to hold bent up tears, they will come out, at some time. It’s so much better to just get them out, let them flow, and be able to begin to handle all that is going on. With the flood of tears come and gone, I am better able to look at the situation for what it is.
Once again we are counting ourselves blessed to live near family and be able to have a spot in a basement if we need it until housing has been decided, signed, and moved into. My parents and sister came with to have a second viewing of the house we want to buy. I chuckled, because I asked my dad what he thought of the house, and he said exactly what I thought he’d say. It’s a house, all houses have issues, bahahaha! That’s my dad! Sensible, logical, dad! My mom and sister where able to help me visualize the house and me see it for it’s potential.
So, today, we wait, today we pray, today we wait upon the Lord to see where his hand will direct and guide. We trust his hand, we trust his faithfulness, we trust his timing. He has proven faithful before, he will prove faithful again. All I know is that when I walk the rode of the life by myself, all I end up doing is being alone. All I know is that the feeling of death comes upon me, even though I’m alive. All I know is I would rather walk through hell with God by my side, then curse the name of God and walk eternity alone. I would rather have his hand upon me and not feel it, I would rather have life not make sense, then try and make sense of it on my own and get bogged down in the loneliness and depression that would encompass me. All I know is when I have tried life on my own, told God I have it from here, it has never gone well. So, even when God’s timing doesn’t make sense to me, when his compassion seems more painful than compassion, when it seems as though he has forgotten me I will cling to the truth of what I know he has done before in my life. I will cling to the times gone by when he has presented a more beautiful path than I could have imagined. I will attempt to wait patient and trust, walking by faith and not by sight. I will walk because it’s all I can do, I will trust because I have been a fool before and turned my back, I will cry in relief and in frustration. I will be content to sight at my Abba’s side, hold his hand, and be willing to have him, just him, be enough. When housing, clothes, family, friends are able to be all sifted down, to my need be only for my Creator, when God is enough for me, that place, that amazing place that takes forever to get to, is indeed an amazing place. The need only for my God, but blessed by all the others he gives to me. It’s a large concept, one I am sure I am not done visiting, but for now, to have a glimpse of God being enough, all I need, is truly amazing. Melting all I have in this life down to only needing my Abba Papa, that is a sweet place. Surrendering all I have, all I want, all I dream, all I have passions for down to all I have is Abba, all I want is Abba, all I dream is being by Abba’s side, all my passion encompassed in my Abba. That, that place, is indeed sweet and new, and will indeed take time to pray through, sift through, and marinade on, soaking in the concept in, letting it seep into every pore, and letting it wash over me. Asking Abba to wash me in this new awesomeness.
Sometimes when it storms you get rainbows, puddles to splash in, and thankfulness that you don’t expect. When all has been striped away, taken away, and you have nothing left. To find there is the greatest thing in the world left, the one gift that can never be taken, that is the nugget, the gem, that is amazing. That is were peace like a river is found and were joy like a fountain flows.