Last week I had an ultrasound to determine our due date and I was blessed to know I was right in my thinking that I was around five or six weeks, six weeks and two days actually, in the middle of the first trimester. I have all the nausea, hunger, and tiredness that go along with pregnancy. But, this pregnancy I have something I have not had with my other two pregnancies, I am excited, I am thrilled, I am ready to add this bundle of joy to our family. I am excited to love this baby as a family!
Both pregnancies before I was not ready, the first pregnancy I was really not ready, the second one took some time to grow on us. We have always loved our kiddo’s, from the very beginning, but there was also a part of us that was not ready for the complete independence loss. My love for being a parent, for being a mommy was not instantaneous, it grew over time while I was in the midst of parenting. I am so thankful that seven years later we are at a different place emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I am thankful that Mark and I’s relationship is at a point were we are growing in our love for one another deeper everyday. Mark and I’s relationship is not without it’s trials, fights, and frustrations, but praise the Lord he has kept us floating when we were sure we would sink in our relationship. I also love being a mommy, so much so, that I have committed to home schooling our kiddo’s, which I also love.
This baby, this baby that we are so very excited for is in so many ways our redemption baby. I asked the doctor three times if she was sure there wasn’t two babies in there. I don’t feel pregnant with two, but you never know, and she reassured me that she did not see two babies in the ultra sound. Phew! I am excited, not excited about labor, never excited about labor, but excited for the new life this baby brings to our family.
It is so to experience God’s mercy and grace in the midst parenting. It’s so amazingly freeing to know that I don’t have to be a perfect parent right from the get-go. It’s amazing and freeing to know that God has my kid’s back and that he loves them even more than I do. It’s refreshing to know that God can and will take my mistakes as a parent to help my kid’s for his glory and for their good. It is so very amazing that God takes a imperfect person like me and makes me a parent. I am thankful that he is continuing to be faithful to complete me until the day of Christ Jesus. I didn’t love being a parent, but I do now, and I am so very thankful for the new little life he is forming even now. The kid’s and I are reading through Psalm 139 and it brings a whole new meaning as they see ultra sound pictures of the baby and as we watch this little life form before our eyes. Indeed, God is even now forming our babies inward parts, being made in secret.
We are excited and oh so thankful for a chance to be excited at bringing a life into this world! God be praised!