Just to let you know, this post is really long, the Lord has been working in my heart and this is my thought process out loud.
The last few days we have been in the hospital have been a crazy roller coaster! I am so very thankful that God knows all the twists and turns, the ins and outs. I am so thankful for the prayers of all of our family and friends. Not for a moment have I felt alone, we have been immersed in prayer and continually carried by our Abba father. There were a few times when it was so terribly terrifying and I wasn’t sure what was going to happen to our littlest buddy. He was so sick, at one point he didn’t even have tears when he cried. I began asking God to show me how to walk on water, to teach me how to calm the storm, to show me how to walk in the power and the blood of the lamb. I wanted faith as a mustard seed! What he showed me was so much more!
One of the things I have learned in the Ultimate Journey is that Jesus willingly gave up his “God power” and choose to live out as you and I have to live, trusting God day by day. I use to think that of course Jesus walked on water, turned water into wine, and healed the sick, because he was God. He walked on water, turned water into wine, and healed the sick with the same trust and power in Abba that you and I can have. God ended up showing me that it was not Jesus alone walking on the water, it was Jesus’s feet, his body, but it was Abba Father doing the actual walking on the water. Jesus cried out for the storm to calm but it was God the Creator of the storm who calmed the waves and wind. The disciples healed the sick, but it was God using human voice and human hands. It’s trusting my Creator, my Father, my Provider. It is not I who walks on water, it is God who uses me to walk on water.
Something else God has shown me is that I may not be in a situation that requires me to walk on water. I may need to be a smile, a hug, a caring word or simply sitting in silence with someone else in pain. God does not always use fanfare to bring hearts to himself, he often uses the everyday to bring people to himself. A meal to a tired weary family, letting someone go first in the checkout line, visiting the elderly and playing with kids who need a listening ear and a caring heart. These, too, are walking on water! Let us not let the everyday “little” random acts of kindness go unnoticed. We do not need to be Billy Graham or Mother Theresa to make a difference. Let us notice the everyday and let us realize that everyday we walk on water, because God in us is working and when we allow him he is active!
I don’t walk on water, God walks on water and he uses me to do it. He uses my voice, he uses my hands, my feet, my smile. I can use them to build up or tear down, I can use them to get better or bitter. I choose better, I choose to build up! I choose to walk on water, go through the fiery furnace or anything else he asks me to do! I also will not belittle myself for not walking on water, after all that may not be what God needs of me! I am important, I have a purpose, God is good, and if I let him he will lead me through the most amazing valleys and up the most amazing mountains.
For six years I lived in Colorado and hiked through valleys and trudge up mountain tops. Both have their own beauty and difficulties, but in order to get to the beauty you have to get through sore legs, rough terrain, and often times go with someone who knows the ways. Someone who has been on the path before, I can go it alone or I can trust the one who knows the way. I have been thinking of the verse “yea tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death”. I use to think the “shadow of death” was scary, dark, and not something I wanted to think to long on. When I look at it from a hikers perspective valleys are beautiful places full of green grass, wild flowers, and clear lakes. The shadow of death and it’s beauty or ugliness depends on the perspective I look at it from.
Which makes me ask the question what do I do in the “valley of death” which I think can be literal or figurative because I have learned in my walk with Christ that dying to myself happens over and over, it’s not a one time death as I give up this world for more of Christ’s world. There have been times with Timmy that I have been more scared than I have ever been in my life. As he fights to breathe, fights for his body to heal, and all I can do is trust my Abba Father, trust my healer and Timmy’s heal, our creator. I thought about what the apostle Paul did in prison, he sang praises to God for all he was worth, he spoke scripture out loud, and he continued to trust God. So, in my fear, I turned on youtube and got praise music going, soothing my mommy heart and reassuring me that God the Father loves Timmy, Timmy one of God’s masterpieces, one of his creations. I will trust, I will do my version of walking on water by holding Timmy, singing lullabies to him, and teaching him about his Savior Jesus. I will teach him Jesus’s love for him when we rise and when we walk. I am walking on water, it just looks a little different! When I walk on water Jesus brings peace and joy overflows!