I have a sign I made that says Please come in prepared to show your imperfect side. So here I am confessing my imperfect side. Acknowledging that I am and will forever be a work in progress. But, I am thankful the Lord will not leave me in a place that needs change. He knows changing my heart and changing my mind will bring me closer to him, closer to his glory!
The Lord is showing me how vial I am…again! This is nothing new to me, but every once in a while I stumble across how vial I still am. I wonder how Mark and everyone else in the world has had to deal with this with me for how long! Which then causes me to get mad cause I don’t want to change, it’s hard work! Then I cry because I don’t want to change, because it causes me great sadness to cause hurt to the ones I love with everyday interactions with me. I am also thrilled with the change because I know I will be more able to love the ones around me. I know I will be less vial for others to spend time with…hopefully. I know there are areas that will be a life long struggle and I will always battle them, but I am thankful that I can learn how to minimize them and how to battle them!
The big vialness is jealousy, coveting what others have and wanting it, being angry because others have something and I don’t, which also flows form jealousy. These two things cause me to not be joyous for others. It affects my relationships because I am not always genuinely excited for them. Not looking out for the interest of others. I struggle to choose joy. Which I’m learning flows in every aspect of life. I am thankful God is changing me. I’m sure I will have more thoughts on this as I struggle through the swamps of jealousy, anger, and all the emotions that come with it. The Lord is pouring out Psalms through me which help me dialogue with myself and to be open to what’s going on in my brain. I’ll try and share some with you!
Thanks for loving me even though I am still vial. Thanks for being prepared to allow me to show my imperfect side! I’d love to sit down and have coffee, tea, soda, beer, what ever beverage you choose and chat about our ugly struggles and the victory we are finding in our faithful creator, father, lover, best friend, and savior!