I have curly hair not straight, I’m not as skinny as I would like to be, we have only one car and I would like two after all “they” have two. Two kids, four kids, or six kids which one do we pick or do we let God pick? Classical education, Sonlight, Alpha and Omega, which curriculum do we choose? Public school, private school, christian school, and then there is home school, which ones right for us. Fast food, made from scratch, gaps, palelo, which one works and makes me look the best? Tiny house, mansion homes, trailer park, or rv living which one do we choose and if we choose will it be the right one. What I really want to be is perfect, because they look perfect, their life must be perfect! Right?
More often than not very similar if not the same thoughts pop in my head, some days more often than others and sometimes more than that. You know what conclusion I have come to is that we are all looking for people to tell us that they don’t have it all together either. I have also come to the conclusion in my own life I am also looking for people to tell me it’s ok if I don’t follow their footsteps and it’s even better if I can trail blaze my own and if I come to a spot where it’s a little steep or I need a boost to just give’em a holler and they’ll be here in a
I have come to the conclusion that I start focusing more on someone else’s life than I do on my own and I begin to wish and want a life that was not meant for me. If it was, God would have made me the other person, but he didn’t, he made me, well, me and I need to trust him with that. I need to trust Him that when he made me, he made me just as awesome as the next person. Isn’t it amazing how easy it is to loose sight of that.
I came to realize something on our food journey as I was trying to figure out Mark’s gut issues and help him on a pathway to healing. I tried sticking to strict food diets, we tried gaps, we tried gluten free, but what I ended up doing was taking bits and pieces of little sections of all that I had learned and welding them together. I began to see that our food journey was one that was meant for our family, worked great for our family, but wasn’t necessarily meant for another family.
Our school journey has been similar as we prayed and weeded through different school options. Home schooling fits our family, I had no idea how well it would fit my personality. I have never felt so inspired, so alive, and so full of passion the way I feel about home schooling. I have never felt this confident about anything in my life until now and it is so amazing to feel that I am not only good at something, but that I’m great at something. Home schooling isn’t for everyone, every family is different, with different needs and circumstances, but I had to realize that it was for our family, but wasn’t necessarily meant for another family.
I am overweight, I know it, the doctors know it, and I’m sure others around me know it. But, what they might not know is that it has been a battle in my life I have fought and won and lost over and over. It is an area of my life I have a feeling I may battle until the day I die. I see beautiful, slender women walking around and I wish so badly that I could look like them, because in my mind then I would be beautiful. But, what I may not know is what they have to do to look like that, do they wake up at 5 am every morning to run 10 miles? Have they been sick or struggled with sickness their whole life. I have no idea what their story is, just like others may not know my story.
What I have learned is this, my journey is just that, mine. I am not meant to look like or be another person, I am meant to be me. God is in the process of perfecting me, molding me, completing me, and my story is just that, mine. I am on a journey to begin appreciating the woman God has made me to be, while embracing the changes He continues to do in my life. What I know about me so far is that I love God with all my heart, soul, and mind. I love my curly hair, I love homeschooling, I love baking from scratch, and I am still working on my weight. I am going to begin embracing who I am, what makes me tick, and what makes me, me.
There is a quote that says, kid’s catch more than their taught”, perhaps if I begin to love and embrace the me God created, joyously loving myself and allowing God to continue strengthening my weak spots, but loving myself regardless of them, then perhaps my kid’s will catch that, perhaps they will see that they too are dearly loved by the Father. Because, I can look for contentment and peace in what others are doing, but it will never fulfill me and I will always walk around as if I am lost, because it’s true I will never have what they have, I am not them, I am me! So I will embrace me and all my quirks and let God bring in peace and joy abundantly! So, today I will be me and tomorrow I will do the same!