Mark and I are on a journey together. We have been seeking healing as individuals and as a couple for various things that have happened in our lives. We are becoming aware as individuals and as a couple were we have allowed ourselves to get depleted, which has lead to an emotional detachment from each other. This is a serious issue and can lead to our marriage needing life saving CPR. We need Christ to show us how to go deeper in our relationship with Him and allow him to do heart surgery on both Mark and I. If we do not stop and allow this heart surgery our marriage will become close to looking like two smiling strangers passing in the hallway, attempting to be happy and joyful for the sake of the kid’s. I refuse to live this way! So, we are looking to the Savior Jesus and Abba Father the great healer for our heart transplant, which will require physical therapy as well. We will need the physical therapy as we learn to stretch our emotional appendages. Learning to allow ourselves to cry, allowing ourselves to get excited, to let ourselves have soul wracking sob sessions, to meet ourselves on a realistic emotional level.
Let’s face it pornography, gambling, gluttony, alcoholism, being a workaholic, sarcasm, using silent treatment or any thing else we use to cover and mask pain, hurt, or any other issue in our lives that hasn’t been dealt with, is only a sign that there is a deeper issue. The problem with the above symptoms is that they are so destructive at the surface we stop there and think it’s the problem. The people around them grow weary of hanging in there with them, because the symptom is so draining, it’s hard to even acknowledge or see that there is a bigger picture going on. What is really going on is that there is an emotional element not being dealt with. But, more than that, there is an emotional aspect that has to be taken to the throne of Jesus for healing. It is only at the throne of Jesus and through the ministry and mentoring of the Holy Spirit that we can even begin to shift through all the emotional junk. We need courage from the Holy Spirit to begin flexing emotional muscles to work through to the healing and the victory.
We’ve talked about the symptom, now, let’s talk about the real root to the disease. Honestly, while the symptom can trigger a separation or divorce, the real silent killer of marriages is the lack of emotion. When we walk around not dealing with our emotions, we begin to stop loving ourselves and we become unable to see ourselves as Christ sees us. When someone is in the state of what I call “self-hate”, which is the inability to see themselves as the loved, cherished, holy, blameless, and worth while person in Christ to be free from guilt and shame. When you cannot see yourself as Christ sees you, then you have no emotions for yourself, which means you cannot have emotions for anyone else either. The person who is struggling tries to keep themselves above the water, they tread water for a while for the sake of those around them. They try to be romantic, they try to meet the needs of their spouse, kid’s, or others around them, but because they attempt to give from their own personal love tank supply and not from the over flow of their love tank, their tank becomes depleted and they no longer have anything else to give. A person can only go so long on an empty tank, an empty tank leads to depression, even more self-hate, blaming others for not meeting your needs (after all you met theirs),and it leads to the symptom triggers. You have to have something to fill you back up so they grab a Hershey’s bar, another drink, another relationship, they pull another lever, but instead of becoming fulfilled they sink deeper in their man made hell. When the tank empties there is nothing more to give, not even to themselves. These people usually don’t even know how they need to be filled, they aren’t even sure what it means to have emotions, much less have emotions to sustain a relationship or marriage.
So, what’s the answer? Well, it depends on which person you are. It depends on if you are the person with the symptom or the person living with someone who has the symptom. But, the answer is also for both. The answer is always seeking freedom in Jesus Christ the soul saver and God the Father who loves us, and the Holy Spirit who gives wisdom, insight, and bravery when we don’t have it. It’s seeking Christ to heal our emotions and to receive the free gift of loving ourselves that we find in Christ. You are dearly loved, you are wanted, and needed. I am praying for your eyes to be opened. For those who feel lost emotionally in your relationship with your spouse or partner, I am praying for you to be ministered to in an amazing way. I pray you find fulfillment in your relationship with Christ.
I have to be honest that I too am learning what it means to get all I need from Jesus Christ. I am daily learning to give over my fleshly wants and desires and trade them for daily bread Jesus can give me that I know is so much more soul fulfilling than anything or anyone else can offer me. I want earthly love and acceptance, but, no matter how perfect a human relationship is, without Jesus, any relationship will always leave you feeling as if something is missing. Jesus is the answer. I am on this journey with you. It’s a daily journey of baby steps and a daily journey of daily victories. The victories do not usually happen without either Mark or I dying to something in our lives. Whether it’s being willing to love each other regardless of if the emotion is there or not or maybe it’s hanging in there a little while longer while God finishes a work in the others life. I will keep sharing with you what God is showing Mark and I on this journey.
I pray our journey will encourage you on your journey! He who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete us until the day of Christ Jesus! Praying you on to completion!