I walked away from God, I said you are not answering, and I’ll emotionally, physically, spiritually take care of myself. I was thinking and pondering the story of the prodical son. When in my mind I walked away from God, I had become the prodical daughter. In the waiting I got mad, I said God is not answering fast enough, I demanded a inheritance, I demanded God do some thing, he didn’t so I walked away. Mad, hurt, and broken, I walked away. I was not patient for the inheritance, one that I had no right to but had been given anyway. It was not God who walked away, although it has felt like it, it was I who threw in the towel. The inheritance dwindled and downhearted and broken I humbly returned to the father. I still did not have anymore answers than I had before and honestly peace has not ful returned, but it will. I am back in the place of restfulness. It will be a process, a moment by moment decision to not walk away from God, too stand fast, patiently. It’s daily, moment by moment choosing to wait until God is ready to pour forth the inheritance. I wanted what I wanted right now and when it wasn’t answered I had a tantrum, but God knows his stubborn, weary child. I image God chuckling under his breath as I do when I can see the inward and outward struggle in my own children. I am not mad at them for I know it is a heart issue that in time God will work out. God holds me close, because he knows surrender does not come easy, in fact it happens tooth and nail. It happens when he comes to me tenderly and quietly and asks me if I will return my heart to him again.
The prodical daughter has returned, the father and daughter have relationship stuff to figure out, but we are on a talking level again, back on speaking terms and from there the joy of the fatherdaughter relationship will return. He is the patient father who has welcomed the wayward daughter back.