Mark starts a new job sometime this week or next and everything in me tells me I should be great full. I am very thankful for bills to be paid, food on the table, and to be taken care of in the physical sense. But, this blessing in a job seemed more like death to me. Mark took this job with the goal of still being able to continue building his web developing business. This would mean working 8-1 for his business and 2-9 at the new job, making me a single mom, and becoming absent in our relationship as a couple and in his relationships with the kid’s. Neither Mark or I felt like we were doing the right thing and yet it seemed like we were suppose to take this step forward with the new job. We both knew that God is not chaotic and we both knew that something was off kilter but neither of us knew what to do about it.
I began to pray for wisdom, Lord, you are a God of wisdom, clarity, and peace. Confusion is not from you, open my eyes to what we need to do in this situation. The three words I heard was rest and slow down. I heard him lay out a plan before me, I knew that if it was from him then when I pitched it to Mark, he would agree, have peace, and we would know the course we were to choose. I heard Abba tell us that we needed to start the new job, keep the clients we already had for Mark’s web developing business, but not go looking for new clients. The Lord told me when we are suppose to have new clients he would bring them to us. I heard him tell us to get our finances back under control, keep our family time important, keep time for each other important, and most importantly keep time for the Lord in our lives. Keeping time with our Abba as a couple and as individuals is important. Time with Abba for me looks like going for a run, writing blog posts, cooking, and spending time with others. Mark’s time with Abba looks a little different, you will find him in the woods taking pictures, painting in the basement, or riding his bike. Our individual relationship with Abba is so very important! It’s were we get filled up as a person, it’s were we find that we are still indeed people and not just parents or a spouse, we find deep meaning in spending time with ourselves. Loving on ourselves allows us to love on others that much more deeply.
We have been praying for Abba to pull us out of the pit we have made for ourselves. Abba is a great rescuer! He knows how to climb slippery slopes with the ease and grace of a mountain goat. He is strong and mighty and knows when to use his might and when a gentle hand is needed. Abba is amazing at pitiful moments, it is when he is able to show his deepest love, his unending mercy, and his forever faithfulness. There is a quote that says, “sometimes he calms the storm and sometimes he calms the storm in me”. In my experience in life he cares more about calming the storm inside of me than he does about the waves around me. He knows and I now know that the waves are temporary, actually, they are a distraction from Abba’s love. He knows that my soul and eternity is of much more importance. He knows earth and it’s frustrations and pains are temporary, he knows heavenly eternity is much more important and peaceful. I am also learning that junk on earth is just that…junk on earth. It’s not eternal, what looks like a painful belly flop to me, looks like a teachable moment to Abba. What looks hopeless to me is an opportunity for God to use in my life.
I am so thankful that Abba cares more about tending and caring for the soul in my body. I could have all wealth, all knowledge, all wisdom, but if the soul in my body is depressed, lost, lonely, and at unrest then what good is any earthly relationship or thing. The thing or relationship becomes a drug, it becomes what fulfills me, and satisfies me. An imperfect world can never satisfy me, it’s impossible, only perfection can heal, deliver, cleanse, and set me free. Until my soul is free from the wants of this earth I’m not sure I want earthly pleasures. I want more Abba, more Christ, and less earth.
Doe this mean God doesn’t care that my tummy is hungry, that we have shelter, and earthly blessings. No, not at all, the book of Matthew in the bible tells us to not worry about tomorrow, Jesus reminds us that Abba clothes the birds of the air, and if he cares so much for a sparrow, how much more does he care for me. Abba, does care about me here on earth, but he knows and I now know and rest in that I am a visitor on earth, I will not stay, and I do not need any bags packed. All I need is provided for me in heaven.
We asked for a rescue and the rescue came in the form of tending to our souls first and calming the storm inside of us. It came in the form of surrendering our hopes, dreams, and desires. It came in laying down our desires for this world. Thank you, Abba, for gardening us, for reminding us of your care for us. Thank you, Abba, for being enough, for being all we will ever need. Thank you, that this world will pass away and eternity with you is coming. We love you and you are all we want or need.
Now that the calm is inside, now that we are quiet, now that we are seeking God’s wisdom and direction and not our own, now Abba can begin working on the outside. A pretty house on the outside with cockroaches in the walls does not make a beautiful house, the house will fall apart. The foundation and the walls must be tended to first in order to find peace on earth and joy in eternity. Jesus stood up in our boat and calmed the stormed!