This morning I needed to draw close to my heavenly father. In the process of trying to make our home run smoothly, meet client needs, carving important time with our kids, and having the opportunity to do a radio interview I forgot or rather knowingly neglected my most important relationship. I did not stop and sit on my Abba’s lap.
When I forget to sit on Abba’s lap and tell him both the joy and sorrow in my life, I deny myself the one pure, holy sanctuary. This morning I stopped myself. I sat down on Abba’s lap and the tears ran freely. I am often overwhelmed these days with all that Abba has entrusted to Mark and I. He gave us each other, which is often complicated in and of itself. He has blessed us with four incredible kids. Individual human beings he has given specific gifts, talents, and personalities. Each of our kids have something he wants them to share with the world. Our job is to train their character, point them towards Christ, and mentor them through their lives. He has given us incredible family and friendships to nurture, relationships that make our life beautiful. Relationships that remind us we are enough, it’s not what we do or don’t do. They remind us of a heavenly father who loves us, who calls us blessed, and his. These like minded family and friends are key to reminding us with Christ we are more than able. Abba has also blessed us with caring for a community. We love our town, we are passionate about helping to grow businesses, encourage new businesses to come in, and to unite a community to go forward.
I began to see my worth and value in my roles, in what I do, and don’t do. I began to see myself based upon my failures and successes. Having highs when I succeeded and having lows when I failed, letting my humanness define me. My humanness does not define me, Jesus’ blood defines me, being washed in his blood defines how my Abba sees me. He loves me regardless of what I do or don’t do. He lives alive and active in my life. When flesh and earth are removed, I am enough. I want to be more, I want to define myself as the world sees me, its safe until it fails me as it will every time. Whether it’s myself that fails or life around me. The only constant, peaceful, confident, joyful place I am going to find is on my Abba’s lap.
Matthew 14:27 Immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid.” Peter said to Him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to you on the water.” And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But seeing the waves, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and took hold of him, and said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”
I often feel like Peter, I see the waves around me. I let what clients, my family, and my failures crash up around me. I let my successes build up around me and define my soul. I see Jesus walking on the water and I forget that Christ is in me can walk on water also. I try and muster through my life and days on my own, I doubt myself. Which is actually true, it’s not doubt, it’s fact that I cannot muster through life. I will always fall into despair. However, it is also true that Christ in me is powerful, strong, beautiful, joyful, peaceful, and will more than conquer through me. Christ in me is more than capable. It is not life around me I start to doubt, it is Christ in me I start to doubt. I listen to the flesh and freak out sure I will sink. Instead, I need to take the fear by the horns and send it back to hell where it came from. I need to take the fear and bring it to my Abba. I need to let him exchange it for confidence, let him change my weakness for his strength, let him exchange beauty for ashes.
The waves lap up around me and I feel myself sinking. This means I took my eyes off of who I really am, I let the voice of lies define me, and I must run, not walk back home to my Abba. I must stay close to his side, find shelter under his wings, and soar as an eagle free from failure, free to learn, free to be all Jesus wants to say and do through my lips, hands, and feet.
When Jesus says come, walk on the water, and come do the impossible, I am ready! I am putting on the armor, I am confident that the God of Angel armies is always by my side. I am safe to walk on water, the God who commands the seas lives in me and walks beside me!