I have been searching my heart for why I am having such a hard time loving and forgiving in some situations. I have a bible in the bathroom, believe it or not it’s were I get the most reading done. Probably because it’s the only place I literally have five seconds to myself. While reading the bible I was reading 1 John 3:18 and some in 1 John 4.
The answer scripture gave me was, I am to lay down my life. The real issue is I’m trying to have people give me what God should be giving me. Which means not only am I sinning by not getting what I need from God, but I am also putting that thing, person, or feeling above God. I am making it my idol. Anything that is put above God is an idol. I need to go before God, repent and seek forgiveness. Before I can restore any relationships I need to restore my relationship with God. I need to go back to my source of patience, my source of love, my source of self-worth which is really christ centered worth. Because the only worth I have is through Christ. I deserve hell and damnation, but because Christ saved me, I am free from hell and a life seperated from God.