Mommy restlessness

I wasn’t expecting that I would ever try to become a professional blogger. I loved to journal and I have even dappled in writing short stories, but I never dreamed of becoming a freelance writer. Over the last year I had prayed that the Lord would bring me a hobby. A hobby that I would be able to call my own apart from being a wife and mommy. While I wanted an outlet I also wanted to be able to bring my family into what I loved doing. I dreamed of teaching my kids new skills. Showing them that through hard work and God’s blessing one can accomplish amazing goals and dreams.

I love being a wife to Mark. I really do love being married, most days, I say most days because it’s honest. While it took time to learn to love being a mommy, I do now honest and truly love it. It took me three kids and four years to fall head over heels in love with being a mommy. To this day I remember the exact moment I realized I had fallen in love with mommyhood.

I love homeschooling our kids. I know that God has called us to school our children in our home. It flows well with Mark and my nomad wanderer hearts. We struggle with being tied down to anything whether it is a house, a job, or a relationship. Marriage and being a mommy has taught me wonderful things about willingly choosing to be dependent on another. God has used both of these relationships to teach me about being dependent on him. A wonderful painful lesson it has been!

Blogging has brought opportunities into our families lives that we may not otherwise be able to do. It has given me an amazing outlet to meet women and men from all over the United States. I hope and pray it will become an outlet to meet people world wide! I see networking as an amazing opporunity to be a part of so many other peoples lives. Sharing our struggles and our successes with one another. Sharing recipes, sleeping ideas for toddlers, and learning about amazing homeschool field trips.

God has brought me into an amazing fold of bloggers. Bloggers from so many walks of life. I have been able to go on press trips and blogger conferences. I have been able to bring my family along on some of these press trips. Combining two of the things I enjoy most in the world. I have to admit though there are times I wish I could trade my mommy hat for more blogging trips.

I have been adopted by the North Iowa Bloggers. My good friend at donnahup.com is from Iowa and since I freelance write for her I have been grafted into this wonderful group, too. This group of bloggers is one of the most amazing network of people I have ever been apart of. The support and encouragement they continually offer is unlike any I have ever experienced! As I watch the various media press trips they offer my heart is excited but also frustrated. Frustrated because being a mommy will always trump press trips. I am needed at home at this time in my life.

Being a key player in the molding and shaping of my kiddos is of utmost importance to me, but a huge chunk of me also wants to be free to roam. I know there will come a time when I will again have more free time than I know what to do with. Time is already flying by as each year passes by me.

The honest truth is sometimes I feel trapped in my domestic life. This feeling of being trapped takes my mind and heart in so many different directions. I feel guilt because I know there is a woman whose arms are empty. Arms and hearts who ache to have the life I have. As I am standing at the sink washing the tenth sink full of dishes I remember the days I rode horses in the mountains. I remember nights spent under the stars, freedom to come and go, and remember all the dreams that never came to pass.

I have begun to allow myself to grieve over dreams that have not come to pass. Grieving the twists and turns that pulled me away from what I loved. Allowing grief to come brings tremendous healing. It’s the death and resurrection of the phoenix. The symbolism of something great being born from something that had to die. Death is painful in any form. Whether it is physical death or the death of letting something go they are both extremely painful.

I am choosing to allow phoenix’s in my life. Crying and grieving, then allowing God to rebirth something even more marvelous and spectacular than I could ever hope and dream. Trusting Jesus for all that he has planned in my days and time as a mom. Treasuring each moment because I know all to soon they will be grown. I know today may be all I have and Jesus may call my babies home with him.

I get restless as a homeschool mommy. Dishes, loads of laundry, potty training, homework, and pulling all night’ers with sick kiddos doesn’t always seem as fun as press trips. Most days press trips seem easier than tackling and mentoring my kids stubborn hearts and ways. Yet, the moments when one of my kids snuggle up on my lap, look in my eyes, and with all seriousness say, “mommy, I love you”. When I am able to help Timmy take his first steps, teach Maddie how to put sentences together so she can blog like mommy, make recipes with Naomi she suggested we put on our website, or Titus reminds me to take a picture of our supper for a post. These moments when family and blogging come together reminds me that I am living the life I wanted. It reminds me that dreams change and morph as God continually works in my life.

It is in my restlessness that God reminds me that the restlessness I feel is my longing for heaven. It’s me searching on earth for what I will never find. It’s my flashing light and signal that I need to go spend time in prayer and in scripture. Spending time with Jesus allows my restless heart to breathe, to be reminded that earth is temporary, and to let Jesus water my grass right where I am.

I am Robin Russell founder and writer of Russell’s Adventures! I love my husband and homeschooling my kiddos! I especially love that most of the time my family and blogging morph together! I will always be a restless nomad wanderer. This is me being transparent and honest. My mommy blogger heart finds peace in knowing that it’s ok to be a restless mommy. My heart finds peace in knowing that my heavenly father knows my dreams, goals, and ambitions. I am confident that when I trust in the Lord with all my heart he makes my path straight. My path happens to combine family and blogging! I love my path and I wouldn’t trade it for any other adventure!