I have always been a serious person. To add to the seriousness I struggled with insecurity like so many others do. I took myself and life far too seriously. I have had friends who have been care free and fancy free. Their care free go with the flow ability irritated me and sparked jealousy in me all at one time. I wanted to jump out of my comfort zone, jump out of the safe box I had put myself in, but I couldn’t risk looking like a fool. I had plenty of opportunities to look like a fool all on my own. The only thing looking like a fool had done was affirm the guilt and shame I already viewed about myself. Over the last year while going through the Ultimate Journey I looked the shame and the guilt in the face and told it to sit down and shut up!
Shrugging off shame and guilt is one of the most freeing things I have ever done in my life. I have become confident, I have begun to laugh at my mistakes, and continue to hold my head up after mistakes. Becky Casey, my boss at Camp Redcloud, would laugh at me when I made a mistake. She would laugh and say, “you lived through it, it’s a miracle”! She was always challenging me and I was rarely up for the challenge. The taste of defeat was too bitter on my pride.
Not taking myself, life, or work too seriously frees me up and I want to tell you why!
- I am free to talk to those around me I would not normally have confidence to approach. I am relaxed and at ease allowing conversation to flow naturally.
- I am able to confidently able to leap outside of my comfort zone knowing it is the place I will learn the most and be rewarded the most.
- You will frequently find me looking outside of the box for solutions, ideas, and beauty.
- Guilt and shame no longer control my thinking, instead I see what wold normally have triggered those emotions as opportunities for me to learn, grow, and for God to do amazing works in my life.
- I am able to work, live, and be myself successfully because I am not bogged down by false unrealistic expectations.
There are still moments where I want to crawl in a hole and hide, but when those moments happen I am able to remind myself of the freedom I know live in. I am becoming quicker to apologize to Mark for snapping at him because I was embarrassed at something that happened. Instead of hiding from a situation I’m ready to tackle it head on and do it laughing!