Being a follower of Christ, believing in the power of Almighty God often triggers lots of different emotions depending on the situation and/or circumstances. It depends on if I react in the flesh or if I react in the spirit. If I react in the flesh there is sure to be a sobbing part, fiery furnace of anger, shame, fear, you name it, and it will come out. The flesh is an ugly mess to sort through, that is for sure!
If I deal with circumstances or situations in the spirit I can look and feel peaceful, calm, ready to trust God with whatever gets thrown at me. It is in this mode that all is well with my soul. In the midst of reacting in the spirit my flesh often rares it’s ugly head and my mind is quick to make sure I remember all the dirt, ugliness, and impossible craziness in my path.
My good friend, who’s nickname is Goose always says, “God is very rarely early, but never ever late”. True story! It does seem that God often works as the white knight coming in at the last second to slay the dragon, bring a second vehicle, finding grass fed beef and pork, and other crazy things that happen in life.
It gets tricky continuing to wait with patience, wait with hopeful expectation when the waiting turns into hours, days, years, or even decades. I want a fix right now, I want things to change right now, especially when it feels like I am being suffocated, kept from something I could be doing. In the waiting phase I do all I can to abide, but honestly there are times I get weary in abiding and I start whining to God that I have been abiding and waiting, waiting and abiding, and still nothing is happening. I then go into full blown tantrum, I get angry, I then usually burst into a sobbing fit, then I calm down and surrender. It’s actually more of a grieving period were I have to surrender my wants, my time table, and anything else I think I am entitled to at the moment and choose to trust my Abba’s timing. Depending on how long the waiting period is this process can go in a cycle over the waiting period. Not always pretty, but it does some how deepen my trust and deepens my surrender to my heavenly Father.
I have learned that it does not do any good to suppress and deny my feelings, but it does do a world of good to go to my Heavenly Father with my struggling emotions. Being honest with myself and with my creator helps me to get to the place I need to be. Dealing with my unwillingness, anger, fear, and other emotions that comes up, only allows my Father to show me how deep his love really is for me. I am learning to breathe and say, “I don’t know, but God knows, and he will and is working it out”, even if it is my emotions he’s working out. To God be the glory, he’s taking me deeper yet. Shalom!