I prayed for a hobby, not a career.

When I finished the Ultimate Journey I was ready to embrace leaving my safe closet I had hid myself away in. I liked my cozy closet. Every once in a while I could stroll out and about from my closet, but I never let myself get to far away. Heaven for bid the world would crash on my shoulders and I need a safe place to hide!

As awesome as the Ultimate Journey is in my life it is also overwhelming. For the first time in years I am faced with feeling pain, rejection, hurt, and face the truth of how ugly our world can be. The pain almost daily punches me in the stomach. I no longer have my closet to keep me from feeling the full rush of emotions. The only emotional sanity is daily meetings with my heavenly father. He has given me verses regarding the new place I am in life that has painfully allowed me to keep walking, taking baby steps.

The end of Phase three of the Ultimate Journey I prayed for a hobby, the Lord heard my heart and my plea and as he often does, he went bigger and I think better. I have to be honest and tell you at times it doesn’t feel better. It feels scary, it feels overwhelming, and I am often convinced as Moses, Noah, and Queen Esther must have felt “are you sure I’m the person the job.”

I am trying to figure out what direction I need to go with the gifts and talents God has given me. It’s overwhelming and I am thankful for the opportunities God has brought me. I know he has been training me and preparing me for this day, this moment, this season. Isn’t it amazing how a season feels like the rest of our lives. How we forget seasons come and go. It’s true though, this moment, this time is a season.

I hear those around me telling me I know more than I think I know, trusted friends and colleagues reassure me I have what it takes. I wonder quite a bit right now what exactly do I have to do what it takes? So many jumbled thoughts running through my heads, ducks that need to be put in a row.

I also have a huge learning curve. A learning curve that requires me to be more patient with myself than I want to be. A learning curve that must happen if I am to successfully finish my firm core foundation in truly reaching scholar phase in teaching others how to use social media. It’s humbling and frustrating. A learning curve that I find myself asking, “what is it I want to do with what I know about social media.” What does my skills, talents, and gifts look like in regard to being a homeschool.

I am faced with the question “what do I want to be when I grow up.” The first answer, every time I ask myself this question is I want to be a homeschool mom. That is my passion, my heart, my goal. It delights my being to spend my time teaching, training, and cheering my kids on in their passions, dreams, and goals. I also know that whatever I do next involves social media. Preferably in a capacity that helps bring money and travel into our house. I don’t know if it looks like consulting or managing. Consulting goes along the lines of mentoring and I love mentoring, I love teaching people how to do their life around them better. The quote “give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, teach him how to fish and you feed him for a life time.” I love doing life along with others, teaching, coaching, and being a cheerleader.

I have had my homeschool mama friends ask me how I am homeschooling and working. Well, my dear friends, the answer is there are crumbs on my kitchen floor, laundry is piling up, and bisquick has found its way up on my kitchen shelf. It is the only thing I could let go. The answer is life is bumpy, my kids are wearing the same pants multiple times in a day, chicken nuggets, and the crockpot are great friends of mine right now.

I am excited, nervous, overwhelmed, and in awe of the opportunities God is bringing into our life. Most of the time I want to throw up, happy dance, and throw up again. I feel like it is the second day on the job. The first day never freaks me out, everyone knows you’re learning, but the second day, that’s when you need to start ponying up what you know. That’s when the rubber meets the road and stuff needs to start happening.

I’m struggling through what exactly I want to be when I grow up and the answer is I have no idea. I also don’t know if I can be what I want to be or if I’ll be any good at what I want to be. I’m afraid of letting myself down, that I won’t have what I think I have, but I am thankful that if it all falls apart, Abba will catch me, pick me up, and right my world again. Life is hard, it’s scary, but I’m determined and I’m willing to keep trying. I’m a mom with little eyes watching me and I pray that it is not me they are watching, but Jesus as he uses my hands, my feet, and my words. He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.