We recently found out there is a good chance Mark has Lyme disease. We still need to get him tested to make it official, but he is starting on a strict food elimination diet to get him started. So far he has only had a little abdominal pain, which for him is not normal. Usually he has severe stomach pain, which leads to other issues throughout his body. If the test does come back negative there are other tests we can do to pinpoint what is going on in his body.
It is amazing how much how his physical ailments affect him mentally and emotionally. He struggles watching me run circles around him. In all honesty, I get tired of running circles around him. There are times I want to sit down and tell him to suck it up.
He does suck it up quite a bit, probably more than he tells me. We both know if he spends hours helping me, he will spend the next day or possibly the next two days in exhaustive pain. He will be pale, his joints and muscles will ache and he will sleep most of the next few days.
We have both gotten angry and cried throughout this process, but this time it’s different. In the past, even a month ago we would have taken our anger out on each other. We would have looked to each other to fix our circumstances. We would have yelled and made each other feel horrible and still nothing would be fixed.
This time when one of us is angry, we allow each other to be angry. Some how we have gotten to the point where we can be angry without throwing up our anger on each other. Some how we are able to cry and grieve, yet not allow it to soak into us like a sponge. We are grieving and fighting this together.
If you asked our kids they would tell you this is not how we normally do stressful situations. The difference this time is how the Lord has taken each of us and taught us to take responsibility. Mark’s responsibility is to be slow to speak, slow to anger and abounding in love. His job is to seek the Lord for his worth, to ask his guidance and then be confident He will come through in his timing. My job is to stay calm and not see all of Mark’s words and tone as a direct insult to me. Recognizing he is not my dad, my grandpa or other guys in my life who have dealt with me harshly.
Mark needs to realize what my triggers are and work to be more patient than he thinks he needs to be. To keep his tone more gentle than he thinks he is being. He has had to learn to listen to me when I ask him to calm down and gentle his tone. Instead of telling me I am over reacting and need to get over it, he has learned to respect the space and gentleness I need.
I use to yell at Mark, “why can’t we get through this together.” I seemed that in the midst of trials we would end up going through them alone. We looked to each other to fulfill our emotions, needs and to fix the situation. Neither of us could do it. So, we walked through it alone.
This trial is different, we are doing it together, one step at a time.