When KTIS 98.5 announced Ginny Owens would be at this year’s Joyful Noise I was so excited I could barely stand it. I have loved her music since the first time I heard ‘If you want me to’ about fifteen years ago. I was driving back to Camp Redcloud in Lake City, CO. Immediately, I thought oh my goodness, this is my song.
So many times my flesh and my soul rage a war against itself. My soul is bowed down, but my flesh is laughing, swearing and stomping its foot. My soul cries out for peace and it is not found in stomping my feet. Rather, peace is found in resting and finding contentment in whatever place I find myself.
I have often heard people say, if you want something bad enough, you just have to work hard enough for it. I say, bah humbug. I do agree there is a level of truth to the statement. However, what I really want to do is be home with my kids, homeschooling them. Yet, currently, because of Mark’s illness, this is not my reality. I am thankful I am physically able to go to work. I am thankful I am able to do what my family needs me to do, yet it is not what I want to do.
Several times my social media managing career has about to launched itself and every time I have slammed on the breaks. It is one of the reasons I have chosen to work at the hotel, rather than continue managing multiple client accounts. I am caught between two worlds and I often feel confused and lost. Yet, I keep choosing a path that allows me to be present with my kids when I walk through the door.
What you may not know is Ginny Owens is blind. She sings beautifully and the messages of her songs reach the hearts of those who listen. Yet, she thought God wanted her to be a high school choir director. When she continued to find the doors on this dream closed, she cried out to the Lord. She, as many others have, laid her will down before the Lord. This song is her hearts cry out to the Lord. As King David wrote beautiful Psalms, in many ways I think of Ginny’s songs as Psalms as well.
If you are struggling, wondering if you can hang on, confused because you thought you heard God clearly ask you to go the direction you are walking. He does hear you, he is faithful and he cares greatly for you. May you find comfort as I have in ‘If you want me to’.