I use to walk around with a tough exterior, a exterior that said you won’t penetrate my walls. I talked tough and I was tough. This tough exterior was a cover, because I didn’t want anyone to know just how tender my heart was, how tender my heart still is. I have the amazing ability to truly feel the pain someone else is feeling, my very soul is rocked to its core by someone else’s grief and pain. This ability is a blessing when trained in how to handle it emotionally and trained when to say no and walk away. Yet, how do you walk away when someone is in so much pain, how do you know when to engage emotionally or walk away. Well, honestly it has everything to do with trusting God with my pain and with others pain. It is me acknowledging that God is very adequate and has others pain and my pain in his hands. It’s praying for the right person to come at the right time and if I’m that person so be it, if not, God has a great plan, even if I’m not that person. I do not need to rescue, rescuing is God’s job. He uses the body of Christ to bring comfort and different forms of rescuing, yes. But, I need to learn to rest and wait for God to tell me “yes, daughter, you would do well in this situation” or hear him say “daughter, let someone else take this one, trust me, I have sent help on the way”.
There are days like today were I read of some governments wanting to claim my children as their children. They do it in the name of education fairness, but what they are really wanting I believe is to have the say in what my children think, say, and feel. There are days like today were I read of hurricanes, tornado’s, and arctic winters taking lives. It’s days like today that life seems so heavy and I am burdened by the pain I see in others lives. It weighs heavy on me and I need days like today to grieve, to cry, and to allow the Lord to minister to me in ways that only he can. It is were I check in to see what I can do and what I need to leave to God to put on others hearts. It’s days like today that I feel so small and so helpless. But, in this helpless feeling God is made strong, he is made known, his greatness shows forth.
God’s compassion is great and at work even as I type. God’s love, God’s compassion is the only reason that some days it’s worth it to even take a breath. The agony of saying good bye, I hate good byes, I hate them with a passion. It might just be the thing that tares me to pieces the most. The ending of a chapter and the beginning of a new one. Figuring out how to function and go on without those dearest to me to support me and encourage me along the way.
I cry and grieve at sin in peoples lives. Watching destructive sin hurt and attempt to destroy marriages, lives, and worse attempting to separate them from the love of Christ. Separation from the creator God, the Abba Father, and the Savior Jesus. I would gladly die physically if it meant I could stay in communion with my Abba Father, no other separation could be more painful. I have chosen to separate myself from my Abba at times and it has never gone well for me, especially emotionally. I do not ever want to feel what it feels like to have my Abba permanently out of the picture.
So, today, I need to cry for mama’s that have lost their babies, even if they are grown men or women. I need to cry for the destruction sin causes. I need to cry for the failures and struggles I see inside myself. I need to cry, grieve, and let the Lord take all the hurt and pain.
I am thankful that my heart is still moved and grieved over humanity. I am thankful that my heart is still soft to the ways of the Lord. I am thankful God has given me a need and desire to walk alongside those that struggle and love them regardless. I am not weak, no, I am mighty, because I serve a mighty God capable of miracles!
It’s not easy to take a day to rest, we live in a fast paced world. A world that says shove it down and keep going. I can’t shove anymore, every time I shove, I die a little more each time. I can’t and won’t keep shoving. I want to look the pain directly in the face and sobb my eyes out. I want the freedom that comes when the tears are done. I want the sunshine on my face, I want the peace that floods my heart, and brings a sigh to my soul. I want the deeper relationship with my Jesus when the tears are dried. I want my Jesus and if tears accomplish that, then by all means, bring the tears.
I pray for those reading my post that you too would embrace the tears, allow yourself to feel for the hurt of others and for the hurt in your lives. Bring that hurt to Jesus, and let him do amazingly beautiful things in your life because you have spent the pain and cashed it into amazing strength.
Join me in taking time to let the tears fall down and let God heal your heart and your soul. Peace like a river and joy like a fountain await!