Tomorrow Madeline Grace turns eight years old! I don’t know where time went or how eight years has already happened, but they have. When I found out I was pregnant with Maddie it was a mixture of sweet and sour. I loved her from the moment I knew I was pregnant, but I also very much loved my freedom. I very much loved my ability to pick up and move whenever I wanted to and getting married hadn’t really changed that, because I married a guy who also liked to pick up and move every so often or whenever he felt like it. Neither of us were ready for such a huge responsibility. Maddie’s first year was tough, she was colicky and I am fairly certain part of her tummy troubles were because I was struggling so much to be a mommy. I wanted to want to be a mommy, I wanted it to be the best job I ever had, but, it wasn’t. I didn’t love being a mommy until after the twins were born and I can remember the exact moment I realized that I really, truly did love being a mommy. I remember the moment I finally realized that I couldn’t imagine doing anything else, but it took me four years to get there.
Maddie coming into our lives has been one of the best events that has ever happened in my life. Through being Maddie’s mommy I have learned patience on a whole new level! I have learned to be gentle. I also have not implemented any of the ideas I had about parenting that I had before becoming a parent. Becoming Maddie’s mommy has been an amazing journey and I am so incredibly grateful that God has given me the job of being her mom.
Maddie is funny and creative, she loves horses and science, she is so gentle and patient with little ones. She truly does an amazing job at being Naomi and Titus’s big sister and her love for them is evident. She loves dancing and playing with her friend’s.
As the first born Mark and I were harder on her than we should have been, even as a toddler we were hard on her. We have apologized and asked her forgiveness, but it has taken time for Maddie to learn to trust Mark and I. It has taken time for us to undue the hurt and distrust we had taught her. I thank God everyday that he gave us another chance with her! I thank God everyday that he has given Mark and I both tools to help ally her and teach her the truth of how God sees her, shaping and molding how she views herself. Maddie has begun to allow us to hug her, she is climbing up on both Mark and I’s laps. I can see her distrust and fear melting as she begins to see and wittness God healing our hearts and changing us. I am thankful for the amazing gentle heart I see in Maddie and I am so thankful at the love that Maddie has for Jesus. It is evident in her patience and gentleness.
I wasn’t ready to be a mommy, but God has used Maddie in amazingly awesome ways to bring me to a place of growth and depth with my relationship with him. He has taught me things about my relationship with him that I would not have understood if I had not become a parent. What God brings us to he has either given us what we need to accomplish it or he will teach us in the midst of it. I praise the Lord for Maddie and I am so thankful for eight incredibly awesome years with Maddie!