I was, I am ,I will be.
These are the questions and thoughts that run through my head, day and night. Sometimes it drives me crazy, or it just keeps me up till midnight. The questions are why was I like that or did I have to say that. Why can’t I be like that, why can’t I be smarter, why can’t I be stronger. The thoughts are I wish I could go back in time and fix all the mistakes I ever made. I wish I could do this, or I wish I could be somewhere else in life, I wish I knew what tomorrow will bring. But one of the greatest things in the world is our God, we don’t have to stay up till midnight because he doesn’t stop loving us just because we made a mistake, or because we’re not pretty enough, or strong enough, he sees us as beautiful sons and daughters and we don’t have to worry about the future because there is a kind, loving God who has everything planned for us, and if he can hold the world then he can hold you to.
In my shoes.
My grandma showed me this drawing that she found on Facebook. It showed this person running a race and it was called My Plan. The top image was a straight line and the bottom image showed another race and it was called God’s plan and it wasn’t a straight line at all it went all over the place. It was to show us that our plans are much different than Gods. That night I thought about it [ by the way this is called deep thoughts after 9:00 pm because that’s when I normally start having deep thoughts ]. It made me think about God’s plan for me, but then it made me think about how God understands what it’s like to have a hard race. Now I know that God’s perfect but when Jesus came down to earth he died on a cross, I didn’t fully understand Jesus dying on the cross. I grew up knowing he died on the cross for our sins, but I never knew he understands every bad thing that happens to us. I realized this not too long ago but when Jesus died he didn’t just die, he felt shame and pain and sadness he took on everything for us. He walked in our shoes but not just once, he is still walking in our shoes. He walks right beside us everyday, and now every day I will always think about how he understands my pain and has felt it and that he walks beside me every day.
In the mirror.
Do you ever wake up and look in the mirror and think, I look ridiculous I do it all the time and that starts my day off pretty bad, as I go through out my day I think horrible things about myself like I’m not good anything, I’m not smart, everybody hates me, I’m just not strong enough and a whole lot more, but one thing I have to remind myself is that God doesn’t care what we look like he cares about are heart, and in Genesis 27 it says God created us in his own image, he created us to look like him, God loves us for who we are, he made us to look the way we do, he loves the way we smile and the way we laugh, he thinks we are beautiful just the way we are. So with all that said I’m going to tell you about this awesome song by For king and Country called Priceless. It’s a shopper-encouraging song, I encourage you to listen to it.
Joy of the Lord
Sometimes I struggle with my life and I don’t always know what to do so one thing I do is pray, but there is something else I do and it helps, I tell myself that the joy of the Lord is my strength and I tell myself this over and over and over and over… and you get the point, I tell myself that no one can take my joy and I won’t let anybody take my joy, and I won’t let myself take my joy, Paul David Tripp says, “no one is more influential in your life then you are because no one talks to you more than you do and I share this with you because it is so true! I tell myself lies all the time and I have to tell myself that I will not let myself steal my joy I often blame the world for the lies I hear in my head and so I have to remind myself that it’s me who says the lies. another tip for when you think bad stuff about yourself is that God doesn’t say lies so the lies are from satan and you have to say go away it’s good to remember that the joy of the Lord is strong so that even when we’re struggling we can have joy.
That girl.
I used to be really bad at spelling, I’m still not very good at it, but I’m a lot better
[ 2021 me ] as I look at the past I see a girl how is tried
[2023 me ] Told you I used to have bad spelling. When I wrote that, that’s when God spoke to me. I was trying to say that when I look at the past I see a girl who is tired. When I wrote that I was trying to get all my thoughts on paper but I couldn’t spell and my handwriting was pretty bad. I was so mad at myself and that’s when God said a word to me. It was nothing big, I didn’t hear the angels sing, and I didn’t hear a deep voice say Naomi this is what you are going to do with your life. No, it wasn’t that at all. It was my own voice in my own head, the word was… speak. To think God spoke to ME!! Like holy cow, it was so powerful to know that God had a plan for me. He wanted me to speak, forget the pen and paper I was moving up to using my voice. Now, I know that there are many different ways of speaking and as of now I’m speaking through my writing, but I have always loved to talk. I was so happy that God was and is allowing me to do something I love for his glory!
Now let’s go to 2022 me when I had written the previous year I tried to explain it, I said, Hi this is the Naomi from 2022 what I thek [think] I was trying to say, as I look at the past I see a kid [ I used kid because I could not for the life of me figure out how to spell girl] a youg [ young] woman will [ well] a kid trying to be a young woman who was tired.
Now let’s go to the me that I am now, where in the year 2023 and I wrote, Hi this is the 2023 Naomi I can’t believe that it was two years ago God spoke to me , I have changed a lot since then, Thank you LORD, [there was a few mess spelled words]. But now I’m going to write a longer version, [ you may take a break from reading and get some popcorn and take a bathroom break]
Ok you ready? Here goes nothing, I can’t believe it’s now 2023 God has gotten me so far and I just can’t believe how good God has been to me. I still have hard times but it’s a lot better. As I look back I am glad that I went through all that stuff. That girl that is now in the past was scared and tired and angry at herself. I had no one to talk to, no one but God and I didn’t want to talk to him. I had so much on my mind and had no way to get it all out, I’m just starting to feel freedom, because I can now write and get my thoughts out. My relationship with God has gotten a lot stronger and I like talking to him now. As I go through new challenges in life I know that God is preparing me for what is to come.
Hi! It t is now 2024 and I am 14, in the last few months of my life things have been crazy with a lot of new things I have learned, and a new season of life, the girl I was last year is well… the same but very different, most of the stuff on this post are things I wrote over the last two-three years and it makes me smile and roll my eyes at myself as I read through all the things younger me had to say, I’ve been going through all this fixing my spelling and all the other things I didn’t do right, and you know it’s funny how much a person can change in a year.
Dear younger me it has only been a few years since you first started to write, I know you will never really read this but you should know that you/me have grown so much, we have so much more to learn but every day we get better and better!
I’m terrified
I really don’t want to be scared but I am, I don’t know what people will think of me when they read everything I have within, and to think that the whole world can read this, well it ‘s kind of scary, I think I’m more scared of what my family and friends will say and think , I love to make people happy and I’m scared that I won’t be able to, and I’m scared that they will tell me things that aren’t encouraging, so I’m not just scared I’m terrified, so if you’re reading this please pray for me, I know what I need to do when I’m scared, I know I need to pray, so I will pray, I’m telling you all of this so you know that I get scared to, and so you know what I think as I write all of this.
Always tells me to pray and to be honest that is normally the last thing I want to do but it’s what I end up doing, and even though I might not get to go to a different country for a mission trip, or go speak in person to a kids about all the stuff I wright [yes that is something I kind of wish I could do] I get to have a blog, I get to be kind to people that I see in the grocery store, that is something very big that I get to do every day, so I may not be famous, or I may not do that much, but I can do a lot throw the little things.
I can say vary little in just a few paragraphs and yet it meens so much , one thing I know, is that as a kid my mission field stars at home, you have probably have heard that way too many times, it might make you roll your eyes, or you might just get really angry because you want to do so much more, I mean who wants to do dishes or clean the bathroom I shere don’t but that’s what find myself doing and that’s part of my mission, [my mom is probably going to read this and it’s going to be music to her eres] but it makes my parents happy, and if I do it they won’t have to and that means I can have more time with thume, and it’s honoring to God when we take good care of are stuff, now I know I probably sound like your parents but are mission field isn’t always going to be huge and it won’t always be what you think it will be, but the little thighs make a huge different, whether it’s smiling at a kid at school, or doing something you don’t want to with a smile on your hart and a smile face [ that is something my mom has told me sens I can remeber] when we do the little things, it can thrn thum in to big things, so as you clen your bedroom or do the dishes or just walk arowd at school remember all of this, and I don’t just tell you this I’m teling me this.