Business: Do I belong here?

My vision for myself three years ago is not at all the vision God has given me today. Three years ago I thought I had a boring life and I made the “mistake” of asking God to make my life more fun. Everyday I woke up to minister to my family. My goal was to homeschool our then three kids and to support Mark while he went out into the world to build his career. I was bored making meals, dusting the living room, folding piles of laundry and I had felt I had lost myself in boredom.

The interesting thing about thinking something is it often comes to light. God the father is close to my thoughts and I often think my thoughts are prayers to the Lord. Ok, Robin, you’re bored at home, let’s spice it up for you. I had no idea what kind of spices he was going to add.

Starting Russell’s Adventures was birthed out of my need to process the world around me and keep Mark’s family updated on our life. I would write during nap time and in the evenings. Unknowingly God had begun my training ground for the next few years. I did not introduce the blog to social media until I realized my family and friends had started reading it. They requested I post new articles to Facebook so they could keep up with my writings. This began to build my understanding for social media and I had no idea there were so many complicated rules. I know them now, but then I was as naive as they come. I was just a mom trying to survive boredom.

I remember the first blogging conference I attended. I had recently started writing for my good friend Donna Hup over at donnahup.com. She had won two tickets to a SoFab Conference and she wanted to take me along. I was so excited and so nervous at the same time. I walked into the room and my nerves got worse. Everyone had a smartphone, ipad, computer and other fun electronics. I had a phone that looked like a palm pilot, but was actually just a dumb phone. Thankfully Donna had thought of this or she happen to bring her computer and her ipad. Her ipad saved my dignity. I remember wondering what in the world I was doing in the room. I was certainly not experienced and certainly many of the women in the room were way more advanced than I was.

Fast forward two years or so and God has continued to spice up my life. He heard my cry of boredom and has continued to bring me opportunities. These opportunities has scared the daylights out of my comfort zone. I look backwards and there is no part of my being desiring to walk backwards and I continue to take baby steps forward. Sometimes my walking strides become relaxed and the steps become bigger as I gain confidence in the field I am in.

I look around me and see how many steps it has taken me to get where I am. Then I see the steps of others in front of me. Not only are they taking steps, they are running a marathon and picking people up along their way. This sea of successful people both excite me and terrifies me. It excites me because I see individuals who have discovered their purpose connected it to their mission and accomplish it using their God given gifts and talents. It terrifies me when I allow their purpose and mission to trump mine. I see all of the amazing things they are doing and I allow it to diminish the purpose God has given to me. I stand in a room and I see my peers and mentors being more successfully and skillfully what I am doing. Why do I need to keep going if they are already doing what I do, but better. They are shiner, more polished, more eloquent and then there is…me.

I step into the room, look around and wonder what my purpose is in this space. I wonder if it is the same feeling Noah felt building the ark on a mountain and in the desert or Moses leading the Israelites across the Red Sea. What am I doing here? Do I belong? Who do others say I am? Does it matter what others say?

When I get to a fearful, insecure, mental funk it is often debilitating. Mark, bless his heart encourages, supports and tries to help me see the outside picture. As happens with many spouses, it’s kind of like when your moms says you’re pretty. It feels like they have to say it, because it’s their job.

How do you successfully swim in a sea of opportunities you do not feel capable of keeping up with the current. Especially if you feel you are going the opposite direction or are not swimming as fast as the current needs you to. This is a mental and emotional break through I am asking the Lord to give me wisdom.

It is honestly choosing to believe that God has me right where he wants me. He has prepared me for this exact moment. I have been in a training ground specific to the mission he has planned for me to accomplish. Throughout my life I will be carried, crawl, walk, jog, run and leap. The times in my life when I wish I had the ability to leap have been times I needed to crawl because I would not have been able to meet someones needs. I would have been too focused on the task and run right by the need. There have been other times running and leaping was needed. In the beginning I tried to run it as a sprint and tired out easily, experience had to teach me to slow my pace, acknowledge the work I was able to accomplish because a nice slow jog allowed me to continue having forward movement. If I had sprinted I would have run for all I was worth and tired in the middle of a project.

Life has come around full circle. In the midst of a business in the beginning stages of taking off, our blog connecting us to more events and communities, I find myself longing for home. Laundry now allows my brain thinking time, dusting gives me prayerful time with the Lord, the tasks I once was bored to tears to complete are now teaching me how to maintain life. Another life opportunity God is using to make my life anything but boring.