Mark and I have been looking for a house for literally two years, the end of this summer may begin our adventures as home owners. Through the two year process we have prayed not only for our house, but for the neighbors we would be interacting with. We firmly believe that living out our everyday lives is just as much of a ministry as being in full time ministry. It is an opportunity to love people right where they are at, to offer a listening ear, or perhaps share a batch of fresh hot brownies, little things that make being neighbors sweet, but can mean so much to someone.
Yesterday we signed the purchase agreement a house and we are so excited at the way God has brought about this house. I would love to sit down over coffee and share the story with you some time. When we are in process of making a big decision I often pray and ask the Lord to give us a neon sign that says, yes, this is the right decision, walk this way. So, we signed the purchase agreement and we continue to walk forward.
We are beginning to pack and get ready for the move, along with moving we are in the middle of home schooling. Thankfully, I did think ahead this time and we have been schooling all through the summer to give us enough time to be able to take off a few weeks of school if we need to. On top of moving and home schooling, I have also chosen to take a class through our church called the Ultimate Journey. A journey that begins with a look at me as a baby all the way through my life up until now. I am both excited and terrified to begin this class. Working on the junk in my life is not knew to me, in fact I have been at it for so long I have been hesitant to take this class. I don’t want to deal with junk in my life anymore, I want to shut whatever is left in a closet, lock and seal it and be done with it. But, I know there is stuff from my abuse left to process and deal with, I know there is stuff from my relationship with Mark that needs to be processed and dealt with. I am praying that taking this class will give me the rest of the tools I need to process and heal through the rest of my life. Giving me tools to teach and share with my kid’s. I also know the stuff left in my closet I have kept there on purpose, it’s stuff I never intended for anyone to see, not even me. So, the thought of unlocking and opening the door to this closet terrifies me, but I have worked through enough junk in my life to know that once the junk is gone through, the tears are shed, and the pain subsides. I am better for it, I am closer to Christ and I am able to love so much more freely. I use to be afraid of the pain, I use to be afraid that if I started dealing with my hurt and my abuse, and the abuse my family has suffered that I would have a gapping hole in my heart and in my life forever. I thought that once I did surgery and let God do heart surgery on me that I would walk around wounded and hurting forever. What I discovered was that when I let the ultimate surgeon inside, the one who knows how to take care of my wounds in the most tender, gentle, loving way, knew how much pressure to put on, he knew how much love and tenderness I needed. The master surgeon knew me and because he knew me, he was able to put the people into place that I needed to help me through the healing. Once I became willing to have heart surgery, it hurt, oh man it hurt so horribly bad. I remember telling myself as a middle schooler that I had cried enough and I was not going to cry anymore and I didn’t. It wasn’t until I was about 23 years old that I started crying again. Mark was the one who gave me not only permission, but a safe place to shed the tears. The flood gates opened and soul, searing pain came pouring out as a waterfall gushes over the edge with spring time run off. I am sure that even the heavens felt my anguish and yet I know at the same time there must have been a great sigh at the healing they knew was now able to come. The pain did not last, in fact a joy I had never imagined emerged. So, I enter the ultimate journey with hindsight to take with me, knowing that when the junk and muck have been gone through, joy will return.
I am overwhelmed at the blessings that the Lord is pouring out on us. My prayer is that he will give us the strength and time needed for each blessing to be completed. I am leary and if I let myself get bogged down it it I get seriously overwhelmed at the thought of moving, home schooling, ultimate journey, and getting ready for our baby to join our family. It is all so amazing and so much work at the same time. But, I accept the blessings the Lord is handing us, I am accepting that he has timing and scheduling in mind, that he has perfect order in our chaotic often times hectic lives. He loves us and he wants us to find joy, he wants us to find peace, but some times it only happens when we are willing to open our closets and let him scrape the junk out of our lives, letting him put healing salve on our wounds. Trading beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, and peace for despair. Taking a deep breath and letting the healing come and trusting in the Lord with all my heart, leaning not on my own understanding, and in all my ways trusting He will make our path straight.