In typical Robin fashion, I am about to share some posts that are personal and raw. The blog has been and will always be the place I process my life out loud. I don’t always have the answer at the moment I type. I don’t always have direction or an end to the story. My path may not make sense to you. It doesn’t have to. However, I know some of you will know exactly what I am talking about and will glean encouragement. It is to you I am writing. I want you to know God sees you. He has a plan for your life. There is hope in Christ Jesus. He is faithful. I am praying for you. If you do not know Jesus as your Savior – please email me or message me and I would be honored to introduce you to my Savior Jesus Christ. He loves you so much. His yoke is easy and he makes our burden light.
I really like to be comfortable. I enjoy the comfort of relationships. Financial security is my favorite. I like knowing food will be on my plate. Fresh and clean water is in my cup. I like being lavishly being loved upon. On earth and in heaven. Yet, I have not been willing to let go of the earthly. I have clung so tightly to them, I have missed the blessing of having Jesus alone as my bread and water.
Many of you know my story of being molested as a child. You know my husband has Lyme Disease. You have read blog posts as I grew my writing skills as a blogger. You have witnessed me bringing a social media breakfast to Albert Lea. I work at a hotel. In all of these things, I have experienced in my life. I now realize I have wanted and desired a temporary fix to my situation. I have not craved, groaned, fasted, or longed for eternal salvation from my heavenly father.
I have cried out, cursed, sobbed, and called out to the mountains, friends, and even God to take the cup that has been given to me. I looked and asked for any rescue that would come. I wanted a rescue boat. Any kind of boat would do. Even if it leaked like a sieve. I was drowning and I wanted out of the situation. The furnace was heating up and I did not want any part of the heat. Lord, take me out of the furnace. And when he did not I sat down and had a pity party.
I finally after five years have hit a wall and I did not bounce back. My cup was completely dry. I had nothing to give. I thought I would have to quit my job at the hotel. My body, mind, and emotions had tanked. I thought I was physically dying.
I realized Mark and I have looked to each other for temporary relief from our earthly hurts and pain. I looked to Mark for emotional comfort and he looked to me for physical comfort. I originally thought we were to separate. Would it lead to divorce? Would we rise? Would we heal? Would Mark be on board? I had no idea. I only knew something had to change and this was what my Heavenly Father was telling me to do. So, I took a deep breath and I brought it to Mark.
God in his ever faithfulness continues to surround us with friends and family. They have given us words and insight into what we are doing as a couple. What is the road we are walking? What are we learning? I cannot speak for Mark, but I can speak for myself.
Here is what I am learning in our physical fast from each other. I am learning to turn to God for my comfort. I am trusting God to lead Mark. To heal him, speak to him, and move him into a deep relationship with Himself. I am learning to not lead. I can lead and fix anything. If I don’t know the answer I can find someone who does. I am not afraid to get my hands dirty and I am not afraid of hard, uncomfortable work. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I am learning while I can do all things through Christ, this does not mean I was meant to do and be all things. I cannot be all things to Mark or my kids. I have to leave them in his capable hands. I have to let Him mold them and make them into the humans he wants them to be.
I feel a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I am not afraid. I don’t necessarily look forward to some of the hard doing of what is before me, but I will joyfully do them. Some of my physical ailments have healed. Even my lungs breathe easier. Hallelujah! Baby step by baby steps forward I go. I am so excited to let you come along as the Lord continues to work his powerful healing in my life, Mark’s life, and my family’s life. To God be the glory forever!