Facing my fears

Mark and I have been meeting with a business coach. This has been one of the best decisions we have made in our lives. It is not only inspiring us in our business, it is also a bit like marriage counseling. I have struggled emotionally between our last session and the one we recently had. I could not figure out how to bridge my life as a wife/homeschool mom and being a business professional. They are both a full time commitment and when I don’t show up to either of them it matters. There are times I show up to one more than the other and the teeter totter wobbles.

The last two weeks have been one of sobbing, angry tears. I could not figure out the mass chaos of my life. One of the inspiring parts of being mentored in our business is writing down our goals, both personally and professionally. Seeing where we want to go and then realizing it’s going to take a hell of a lot of work to get there. It’s also going to take bravery.

In my mind my biggest role I play right now is supporting Mark and training/mentoring our kids to be mature, emotional, healthy adults. If I do nothing else right in my life, I want the honor to walk and run beside our kids. I want to be the one to take their hand and lead them to Jesus.

 

I have also begun to realize one of the reasons I was struggling was because I was also using my role as a wife and a mom to hide. It’s safe to hide behind my role, but now that I look outside of my box, it is exactly what I am doing. If I step out of my mom roll into another position I could fail, I could fall on my face. Honestly, I dread facing uncertainty, I dread the teeth I will need to pull to run after the dream and vision God has given me. To those who know me really well, their jaws are probably dropping at this paragraph. I don’t run from a fight, in fact I have my boxing gloves constantly handy. I not only rock the boat, I knock the whole thing other and go to town helping to rebuild it. I am a mover and shaker, but I also have a heart for those I am working with and those who will be affected.

I fear success and what it will mean for our family. I fear success and what it will do to my relationship with Mark. There has been a couple of endeavors I have started and I wanted to help put RCV Web Services in front of people. I wanted to help Mark grow his business, which turned out to become our business and now I play a key roll in running the day to day operations. Now, with Mark’s help, I have realized they were always my thing. I called them our thing because it was safe, if it failed, then it was safer for “us” to fail. I am afraid to call a business endeavor mine because it feels lonely, because I want someone on my crusade or for someone to be on mine. I am realizing, sometimes God calls us on our own journey.

I am digesting this new realization into this fear of mine. I am taking deep breaths and preparing to jump in the deep end as I often do. I am praying for wisdom and guidance. I am praying for the key people to be in place. God has been faithful to me in the past and he will continue to be faithful today and tomorrow.

Little by little the fear lessens and changes to excitement, problem solving and actions to bring my visions and dreams to reality. I am thankful that “he who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete me until the day of Christ Jesus. I am thankful for the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, three business partners in one. I am thankful for a real relationship with them and I am thankful for the men and women my heavenly father has brought into my life. People who are being his hands, feet and words. With tiny baby steps I am setting out on another level of facing my fears. Watch out world, here I come!

robinrussell52

My rebel heart loves Jesus. It has been a journey learning about his love for me, but he continues to fight for me and has won my heart. I am learning to love and respect my husband Mark. After four years of being a mommy I fell in love with the role God had given me and I am now a passionate homeschool, stay at home mom. I love outdoor adventures with my family and our husky Skye. I love creating delicious physically and emotionally satisfying meals. I love walking life’s hard road with those around me. I want to be a friend to the friendless and be a beacon of light and hope to the weary.

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